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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, older people who need employment must compete with younger people. What problems does this cause, and what are the solutions?

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Since the beginning of the 21st century, there is a competition between old and young
people
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 for employment.
This
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 essay intends to analyse the problems
this
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 causes
along with
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 possible solutions to mitigate them. To commence with the issue of
this
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 trend, one significant problem arising from the competition between both generations is
job
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 discrimination in the
job
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 market. To explain it more, sometimes
companies
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 give preference to older ones, because of their experience which leads to fewer
job
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 options for youth, even if they have better technical and modern skills. Ultimately, it creates stress among young generations.
For example
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, a survey conducted by the Central Bureau
Investigation
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of Investigation
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 (CBI) in 2019 revealed that 40% of suitable young workers find difficulty in finding their dream
job
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,
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apply
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 because some senior
people
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also
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 apply for the same career and even they get that without having another skill that young
job
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 seeker has. To mitigate
this
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,
companies
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 should make some clear and suitable instructions for the
requirement
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requirements
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 of the jobs which should cover all the skills required
besides
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 just experience, so the most suitable person will be selected.
Furthermore
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, another problem caused by
such
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 a trend is ineffective production.
In other words
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, it is noted
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 elderly individuals have less work stamina as compared to youth. Their physical health makes them unsuitable for working long hours which means that they need more breaks
while
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 working.
This
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 thing is surely not in the favour of organisation growth. To mitigate
this
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, either
companies
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 should hire elder
people
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 to
such
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 positions where they can work without stressing their health or they should give priority to those
people
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 who qualify for
this
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 hurdle whether they are young or old. In conclusion, the competition among the different generations of workers has severe consequences,
such
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 as an unfair
job
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 market and less productivity of older individuals.
Nevertheless
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, these can be solved if
companies
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 give fair opportunities to both without considering their ages.

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coherence and cohesion
While the essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, try to use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs and sentences.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly elaborate on solutions in more detail, explaining how they can be effectively implemented in the workplace.
task achievement
Consider providing a few more specific examples to illustrate your points more vividly, which will enhance the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies relevant problems and offers solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is logical, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the issue, which makes it easy to follow.
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