Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some think that the other type of progress is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The ultimate goal of every
society
varies based on authorities' preferences.
While
some of them consider economic development of the highest importance, I go with those who opt for goals focusing on different angles of
society
, alongside the economy. Some governors put adequate effort into improving their economic status or preventing falling into recession. Dedicating substantial resources and labour to accomplish
this
goal, a greater number of job vacancies would be provided for people. Not only that, but significant relationships with other countries would
also
be forged, enhancing the country's economy even
further
. Take China as an example; where the authorities have constructed numerous industries in the majority of their cities to enhance good production and
thus
, make more money. Surprisingly,
while
China has since witnessed magnificent improvement in economic areas, only a handful of people are satisfied with
this
situation despite the enhancements in their lives and are starting to resent it.
This
notion is potentially a result of the government not taking individuality and personal fulfilment into account. Meanwhile, other authorities are considering innovation stimulation and culture preservation of equal significance.
Instead
of dedicating all of their resources to pursuing a high production or exportation rate, they invest a proportion of it in their gifted students, encouraging them to explore and acquire novel insights in not yet well-known areas
such
as Artificial Intelligence. By achieving a magnificent goal in their lives, they foster a sense of accomplishment and personal fulfilment and would engage more in societal practices. To illustrate, the European government entitles people to express their ideas
instead
of making them adhere to a particular instruction from 9 to 5. On
this
occasion only, individuality would thrive, prior to unique and noble accomplishments the others are unlikely to achieve.
In addition
to prompting individuals towards the modern world, these governors implement careful conservative methods and allocate sufficient budgets to preserve natural and historical sceneries.
Consequently
,
such
a balance between finance, personal achievement and culture preservation, benefits both
society
and the government.
To conclude
,
while
some claim that the most significant goal to achieve is an economic process, I firmly believe that without the satisfaction of
society
, the process will undoubtedly decline.
Therefore
; it is imperatively important to consider economic development, personal goals, and looking after cultural heritage when deciding the ultimate goal.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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task achievement
Overall, this is a well-written essay. However, ensure you always include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to provide better clarity on your stance from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph focuses entirely on a specific point, and transition smoothly to the next idea. While your essay is generally well-structured, some ideas can be more clearly distinguished.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices, but ensure they are used naturally. For example, above the use of 'this notion' could be improved by specifying what is being referred to.
task achievement
You have successfully analyzed both views and provided a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with ideas flowing smoothly from one paragraph to another.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the situation in China and Europe, makes your arguments more persuasive.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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