IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#tendency #news #reports #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
It's often argued whether reports about
bad
Add an article
the bad
show examples
 side of a country rather than its advancements can negatively damage the public and individuals. I completely disagree with
this
 view. I feel that it's essential to prevail
problems
Change preposition
over problems
show examples
 by using the media. Because, by doing
this
, evoking residents in a country is unpreventable. When unrest is unavoidable the authority is easily pursuaded to get hold of solutions to the cause of it.
For example
, the media should report when the costs of stable food rise so the
government
Add a verb
government is
government was
show examples
 aware of the scale of its impacts.
In addition
 to that sometimes the state isn't aware the hassle
exsists
Correct your spelling
exists
 unless reporters release information about it.
Moreover
, there are insurmountable problems which are hidden. They will not be solved unless it is published their stories. Personally, I remember when I was in Sudan, the state repeatedly tried to force news outlets not
publish
Fix the infinitive
to publish
show examples
 insecure and not working ideas.
This
 action caused these ideas
came
Change the verb form
to come
show examples
 to stages
Correct pronoun usage
that was
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
ardous
Correct your spelling
arduous
 to be replaced
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
 new ones.
Therefore
, responses to these issues can be achieved when they are made
resurface
Fix the infinitive
to resurface
show examples
 early. In summary, bad news can help the public and individuals positively. The outcry of the community helps those in charge
swiflty
Correct your spelling
swiftly
 look for solutions. Releasing data
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
statistics and so on related to hassles collectively
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
 finding solutions.
Submitted by mohammednou2t on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your main points that you will elaborate on in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Refine your conclusion by summarizing your main points and clearly restating your overall position on the topic.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, ensuring that they clearly illustrate your points.
task achievement
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and readability of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively included examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Your main ideas are clearly presented and relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
What to do next:
Look at other essays: