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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society
In the current era, there is a tight-knit relationship between all
people
. Whether the presence of a growing population of the elderly in societies is a positive development is a matter of debate. As far as I am concerned, the presence of the elderly in countries can bring about numerous benefits. On the one hand, a panel of
people
 believe that the overpopulation of the elderly results in some drawbacks for the
government
.
That is
 to say, the
government
 has to allocate a considerable budget for creating various facilities for
such
 throngs.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elderly centres, medical facilities, and specialists have to be supplied for these
people
. To clarify,
this
 older
generation
 needs caring, so the
government
 has to dedicate young
force
Fix the agreement mistake
forces
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such
 as nurses to these
people
 without payment.
Hence
, a fresh and new
generation
 has to be devoted to looking after the elderly rather than utilizing their novel ideas in order to address upcoming social issues.
On the other hand
, some contend that
this
 old
generation
 can potentially benefit society in different ways. To start with, a society can take
the
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advantage of the elderly’s experience and wisdom. To simplify,
this
generation
 had encountered various situations, so they had gained wisdom about how to meet different requirements. Take the
war
 between Iran and Iraq as an example.
New
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The new
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generation
 does not have the foggiest idea of how to survive
war
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the war
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,
while
 exposure to
war
 has informed our grandparents about
such
 a situation.
Therefore
, they can be a perfect mentor when it comes to
war
.
Furthermore
, elderlies are more likely to have community engagement.
This
 means
,
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 they are more delighted to do voluntary jobs
due to
 their retirements and loads of free time.
For instance
, they are absolutely enthusiastic to help in lining up the books on library
shelfs
Correct your spelling
shelves
shelf
. Or voluntarily give other old
people
 with serious illnesses a free lift to the hospital.
Consequently
, if the
government
 ask for their help, it will be benefited from numerous
of
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voluntary
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. The bottom line,
although
 the older
generation
 may require more budget and force in order to be looked after, the advantages of their presence in society clearly outweigh the downsides.
Therefore
, I am of the opinion that old population are highly essential in today’s nations.
Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that every paragraph stays focused on one main idea and fully develops it. Occasionally, the essay shifts slightly off-topic before returning to the main point.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and relevant, adding even more specific examples and evidences can strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
The transition between the introduction and the body paragraphs can be slightly improved by more clearly outlining the structure of the essay in the introduction.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides a clear position on the issue.
task achievement
You have provided appropriate examples to illustrate your points, which makes your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow that guides the reader effectively from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reinforces your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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