IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The most important aim of science sould be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #sould #people’s #lives
It is undeniable that scientific
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the most vital for worldwide citizens in the world, and many
people
 believe that particular
science
 should be
enhancement
Correct article usage
the enhancement
show examples
 of human
lives
. I personally agree with
this
 statement and the reasons why I agree will be examined in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with,
improving
Change the verb form
to improve
show examples
 resident’s
lives
 in the regions, there are typically various hospitals and personal responsibilities.
In other words
, the duty of
authorities
 in a workplace, which
are directly involves
Change the verb form
are directly involved
show examples
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
people
’s
lives
.
For instance
,
faculty
Correct article usage
the faculty
show examples
 of medicine, nursing, and
science
 including biomedical, contribute and
responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
show examples
 for mitigating treatment and curing all
people
suffuring
Correct your spelling
suffering
 not only physical facets but
also
 mental
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the meantime, assist
authorities
 at the hospitals have taken charge of patients as well. To illustrate,
doctor’s
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors’
show examples
assistances
Correct your spelling
assistants
show examples
 or other
authorities
 ought to collaborate as a teamwork for patients’ depletion, especially
occuring
Correct your spelling
during
 at emergency period. It witnesses that the most vital
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 in
science
 fields aims for citizens’ well-being.
Moreover
,
science
 subject consists of engineering, technology, biology, and zoology, and working on these scientific subjects could affect medical enhancements for
people
. To be more specific, working as engineers, experiences to generate ideas and codes technologically, forming Artificial Intelligence. It is to say that it
utilzes
Correct your spelling
utilizes
 engineering
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
, enhancing medical tools and curing procedures.
For example
, presently, there are several machines and robots for doing surgery on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
Furthermore
, gaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoology and biological
science
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 enriches
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 industry for residents because those studies cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essential
researchers
Replace the word
research
show examples
. One clear example is that they do research about botany or plants for curing human diseases
such
 as
hurbs
Correct your spelling
herbs
hubs
curbs
. Another is that
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 in animals like rats or monkeys, which are merit for
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 industry.
For instance
, utilizing creatures’
antibody
Fix the agreement mistake
antibodies
show examples
 and
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 in animals before infection
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
, utilize in vaccine production. It seems to me that all related
science
 fields relate to beneficial
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
. In conclusion, the direct duty of
authorities
 in a workplace
such
 as at hospitals and indirect and implying occupations from related scientific fields,
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
 to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
people
’s
lives
. In my perspective, the most crucial purpose of
science
 witnesses for
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 improvement.
Submitted by arunrak.wk on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt and makes a clear stance, some statements could be more concisely expressed. Additionally, some sentences are hard to follow due to complex phrasing. Try to use simpler constructions to convey your ideas clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some of your paragraphs could be better structured to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, recounting the specific duties of certain professions before explaining their impact on society could be more cohesive.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear and appropriate use of paragraphs, which helps in distinguishing different points or arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-being
  • vaccine development
  • medical technologies
  • quality of life
  • technological advancements
  • communication
  • entertainment
  • green technologies
  • sustainable practices
  • environmental challenges
  • scientific research
  • food production
  • agriculture
  • hunger
  • malnutrition
  • fundamental research
  • ethical considerations
  • scientific knowledge
  • practical applications
  • humanity
What to do next:
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