IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work than with their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #time #work #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days youngsters are
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 serious problems because parents are unable to take
care
 of their kids
due to
 tough work schedules. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
show examples
 with the statement that social problems have their
starts
Fix the agreement mistake
start
show examples
 from lack of parental
care
 and its side effects on
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 health of young people. It is well-known that child
care
 is very important for minors.
As
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 is the main source for their behaviours which builds
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 for the next step. Admittedly, those are
lacking
Wrong verb form
lack
show examples
 family
care
 most likely to
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incomplete for the rest of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Emotional support helps children to maintain healthy
mindset
Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
show examples
 and structures main life skills for them.
For example
, students who are able to reach high scores in their subjects have disciplined family that leads their kids to perform better and motivate them to achieve their goals.
Furthermore
, mothers and fathers are responsible for
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 behaviours that build over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time. Social matters are related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 family members that unable to pay attention to their child at the time because they have no time from work. Parents are expected to take action in case of crisis which destroys the ability of
conciousness
Correct your spelling
consciousness
,
also
, they should provide professional aid if needed. If none of these actions
taken
Add a missing verb
are taken
show examples
serious
Change the word
seriously
show examples
,
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of the youngsters and their identity as a human will be in danger.
For instance
, legal prosecution reveals that young adults who
commited
Correct your spelling
commit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 grew up in unsatisfactory
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 where they
face
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
 the absence of guardians. In conclusion, adults who prioritize work
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 are responsible for behaviours made by their young kids.
Hence
, it
is tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to build irresponsible and
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 adults
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 population.
Seriousness
Add an article
The seriousness
show examples
 of the current issues should make everyone to be concerned and prevent any situation with the next generation.
Submitted by musayevjahangir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
To improve clarity and coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one idea to the next. Aim to make each point distinct and easy to follow.
task response
To better support your main points, include more specific examples and evidence. This will help to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to make your writing clearer and more professional. Avoid common errors and pay attention to the construction of sentences to improve the overall readability of your essay.
task response
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and maintains this position throughout the essay, which shows good task achievement.
task response
The inclusion of examples related to children's performance and legal prosecution provides a real-world context to your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: