IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Question--Some people say that TV Advertisement have benefits, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both views , give your own opinion and include examples from your experience

#question--some #people #tv #advertisement
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in
this
 decade,
while
 some individuals contend that
TV
 ads
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 to be beneficial,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others hold the contrary belief.
This
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. It must be understood that the
TV
 commercial's advantage is to appeal
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
 clients
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those products.
Due to
this
 reason,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is no harm
advertising
Change preposition
in advertising
show examples
 productions on
TV
.
As a consequence
, the viewers have more chances to approach these kinds of goods and it is significantly beneficial to those who are in
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
.
Thus
,
television's
Change noun form
television
show examples
 ads have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to assist their customers
to enhance
Change preposition
in enhancing
show examples
 their comprehension
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the materials.
However
, some people believe that it is a type of time-consuming
disturbing
Correct word choice
and disturbs
show examples
 them when they are concentrating on the programs.
For
this
 reason, some advertisements
repetively
Correct your spelling
repetitively
respectively
 appear on screens causing
tediuos
Correct your spelling
tedious
 feelings and gradually
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 the viewers' interest in these
TV
chanels
Correct your spelling
channels
.
Hence
, there is a decreasing number of people watching television,
instead
, they choose to go online and
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 with
premium
Correct article usage
a premium
show examples
 package without advertisements. Clearly,
this
 essay has shown
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the importance of advertising products on
TV
 impacting the needs of viewers,
additionally
, there are
also
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amusing ads which help the audience to relax and not get caught up in the movie for too long which can cause
addition
Replace the word
additional
show examples
 and harmful to eyes.
Therefore
 it is vital to keep advertising on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
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task achievement
While the introduction does set up the essay, it can be improved by being slightly more clear and concise. Also, clarify your opinion earlier in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphs should be more coherent. Try to use more linking phrases and clear topic sentences to make the flow of the essay smoother.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Personal experiences, specific advertisements, or statistical data would make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Minor grammatical errors can be distracting and can lower the quality of your writing.
task achievement
Good use of contrasting viewpoints. The essay presents both sides of the argument fairly.
coherence cohesion
Clear paragraph structure with distinct sections for different viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively and reiterates your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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