Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?
Parents have a major role in the upbringing of
children
especially,
when it comes to leisure Remove the comma
apply
time
. Today's generation has a lot of exposure to different kinds of toys
making their spare time
vibrant. In this
essay, we will discuss the pros and cons of having a large number of toys
for children
.
To begin
with, It is explicitly true that, kids
belonging tothe
Zgeneration have a wide collection of Correct your spelling
to the
toys
. On one hand, it is good to control their free time
playing with toys
, so that they won't get addicted to smartphones or television screens which is one of the major issues that today's children
face. For instance
, kids
watching TV screens and video games are proven to be vulnerable to mental health issues. Therefore
, it is better to encourage children
to play with toys
.
On the other hand
, providing children
with a huge amount of toys
could interrupt their socializing time
and ability. Recent research in related fields conducted by the University of Madras proved that children
engaged in playing with toys
showed less interest in interacting with other kids
. Moreover
, their verbal communication is comparatively lower than children
intrigued with other people.
In conclusion, it is always good for kids
to play with toys
. However
, parents should make sure that their time
spent having fun with toys
shouldn't interrupt their social life as well as
their communication. Furthermore
, Parents have a vital role in grooming their kids
especially, from elementary schools to support them in participating in sports and games along with
playing with physical toys
. In this
way, we can reduce a lot of health problems which might arise due to
the lack of social life.Submitted by praneeth2094 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a comprehensive response to the task. You have adequately discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of children having a large number of toys.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are consistently clear and fully developed. While your points are valid, further elaboration on your examples and arguments would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
There needs to be better paragraphing. Avoid starting sentences with 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand', as these phrases are usually followed by 'hand'. Try 'Firstly...' and 'Secondly...' instead.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking your paragraphs and ideas smoothly. Consistent use of connecting words and phrases will help create a better flow in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity. For instance, 'kids belonging to the Z generation' should be 'kids belonging to Generation Z'.
coherence cohesion
Consider extending your conclusion to summarize the key points of your arguments more succinctly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the essay's structure effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion provides a good summary and reiterates the importance of balancing toy time with social activities.
supported main points
You appropriately distinguish between the positive and negative aspects of having a large number of toys, providing a balanced discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?