In many countries the widespread use of internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of traveling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Nowadays, ubiquitous
Internet
access provides an opportunity for
people
to do occupations or coursework online at
home
instead
of going to
work
or the academy. Personally, I think that the benefits of
this
statement easily outweigh any disadvantages. On the one hand, there are a lot of advantages of studying or working at
home
through the
Internet
.
Firstly
, the main plus is that it is convenient for all society.
For instance
, just by using their gadgets,
people
are able to save their time which is usually leaving to get dressed, clean up, travel to
work
, and so on.
Secondly
, if individuals stay at
home
and just do their deals utilizing phones or computers, they would be safe because they would not face any unpredictable problems during their travel to
work
or university.
Finaly
Correct your spelling
Finally
, it is true that individuals could gain much more money by doing freelance, which means that the web has plenty of opportunities where
people
would able to obtain not just money, but
also
several kinds of skills.
Nevertheless
, it is fair to mention that there are some minor drawbacks. Many individuals have no the capability to purchase any extra gadgets to both
work
or learn online. It means that they have to earn first money from offline jobs, and after need
to begin
freelancing or studying at
home
.
Although
people
have the ability to buy needed technologies, they actually do have not any skills which are required to
work
online.
Nonetheless
, they are able to master the necessary knowledge to do online actions just by studying from provided
internet
materials. In conclusion, as the
internet
spreads every day, there are many opportunities where
people
can easily earn cash or the knowledge they need, which means that
this
development has
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
more benefits rather than disadvantages.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task response
You should aim to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your task response score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs can be better organized to improve the logical flow. Try to use more cohesive devices like ‘furthermore’, ‘in addition’, and ‘however’.
task response
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task and covers both advantages and disadvantages, although examples can be more specific.
coherence cohesion
You’ve clearly structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that address different points, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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