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Writing Samples
Band 8

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart above illustrates the percentage of households and technologies present in the US namely, washing machines, computers, phones, internet, and DVD players from the
year
Use synonyms
 1995 to the
year
Use synonyms
 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the washing machine dominated throughout the given period.
However
Linking Words
, the phone showed the highest variation among its peers.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the internet was the lowest among the rest of all starting from 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1995, rose to 19% in the
year
Use synonyms
 1996, increased by 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the following
year
Use synonyms
 and in 1998 it reached 30 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of US market which
finally
Linking Words
 ended up by 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1999.
Second,
Linking Words
comes the phone with the highest deviation, which began at 18 % in the
year
Use synonyms
 1995, soared to 20% in the adjacent
year
Use synonyms
, and levelled up in the following years
finally
Linking Words
 reaching 65 per
cent
Use synonyms
 by the end of 1999. The washing machine depicted has discernible trend throughout ranging from 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1995 to 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1999 without dropping off in between.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the DVD player and Computer tried to keep up with the trend but the DVD player was affected by a slight drop in the
year
Use synonyms
 1996 by 7 %.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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