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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show average age of men and women retired from work in 7 countries in 2004 and 2008.

The charts below show average age of men and women retired from work in 7 countries in 2004 and 2008.
#show #age #men #women #work #countries
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The bar graphs illustrate the information about the average of the male and female’s
age
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 retiring in 7 different nations between 2004 and 2008.
This
Linking Words
 figure is measured in
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 old(
YO
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).
Overall
Linking Words
, in
both
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male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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, the average
age
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 of people in 2004
were
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was
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 lower than the average
age
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 of people in 2008 with the exception of Italy.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Sweden
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 is a country which has the oldest average retirement
age
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both
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in
Change preposition
apply
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male and female. Looking at the men’s chart, we can clearly see that Germany and Denmark had the same trend which in 2008 saw a higher
age
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 by 1
YO
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 (60 and 61 in Germany; 59 and 60 in Denmark). France,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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,
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
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 and
Sweden
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got
Verb problem
had
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar tendency which in 2004 witnessed a lower
by
Change preposition
of
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 nearly 0.5
YO
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Sweden
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 has the highest average
age
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 in
both
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 2004 and 2008
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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at 63
YO
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 and nearly 64
YO
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. In Italy, there was
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same data in
both
Use synonyms
 sexes at 58
YO
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. Turning back to the women’s chart, it can be seen that Germany, Denmark, France and Italy were the four nations which had average
age
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 under 60
YO
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. The others
such
Linking Words
 as
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
,
Sweden
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 and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 were the countries which had higher 60
YO
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 in
both
Use synonyms
 sexes and in
both
Use synonyms
 years.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, yo, both, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average age
  • retirement
  • comparative analysis
  • trend
  • significant
  • age gap
  • correlation
  • life expectancy
  • pension policies
  • societal norms
  • economic conditions
  • regions
  • investigation
  • findings
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