IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

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In recent years,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to sleep less compared to the past.
This
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 essay will discuss some reasons why
this
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 has occurred and examine the consequences of
this
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 worrying trend. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 problem is an active lifestyle where
people
Use synonyms
 have various hobbies and work. It means that
,
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can have two or even more official works
as well as
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 they can go to different hobbies within one day.
As a result
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, there is less
time
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 to sleep because of a hectic lifestyle.
For instance
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,
people
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 who work for Microsoft sleep only 6 hours, spending the other 18 hours
for
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on
show examples
 more than 3 hobbies and their main work during the day.
Furthermore
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, with the expansion of technological advancement individuals tend to have excessive screen
time
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. It means that
,
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apply
show examples
 many
people
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 can scroll the internet without realizing
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time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 passage which leads to usage of their electronic devices for a long
time
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. As an example,
according to
Linking Words
 University of Warwick research, teenagers are often found playing computer games all night. The effect of
this
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 has been and will continue to be very serious. It is a fact that, since
people
Use synonyms
 have a multitude of duties on their plate, it can have an impact on mental
health
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such
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 as stress, depression, anxiety or aggressive behaviour in society
due to
Linking Words
 sleeping less.
Moreover
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, there can be physical
health
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 issues
such
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 as visual impairment or hormone imbalance. Scientist Megan Sheren proved that
,
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apply
show examples
 deficiency of sleeping has a cumulative effect. The more individuals limit themselves in sleeping, the more mental and physical
health
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 problems they have.
To sum up
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,
people
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 who have hectic lifestyles and overuse technological devices may sleep less and have effects on their mental and physical
health
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.
People
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 should sleep as much as their organism requires, as it recovers
while
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 sleeping.

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task achievement
For a higher score, try to develop the ideas more deeply. Providing more detailed examples and discussing additional reasons for less sleep nowadays can strengthen the task response.
coherence cohesion
To improve, ensure each paragraph has clear topic sentences and that ideas are fully developed with elaboration or examples for good coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the author's viewpoint.
task achievement
Uses relevant and specific examples to support the discussion, like the University of Warwick research and the example of people working at Microsoft.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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