In developed countries, more and more people buy and use their cars. Do the advantages for people of cars using outweight its disadvantages on environment.

The rates of purchasing and usage of private
cars
are increasing in developed countries.
Although
people use their personal
vehicles
on a daily basis, it can cause a
number
of environmental issues. In developed countries, increasing the
number
of private
cars
has caused
air
pollution
. The main reason is that all
vehicles
move by burning fuels. Burning gasoline and diesel fuel creates harmful byproducts.
As a result
, a large amount of carbon dioxide is released into the atmosphere and causes
air
pollution
.
For example
, Tashkent is becoming one of the most
air
-polluted
cities
. Because 76% of the population use their own transport.
Thus
, using a large
number
of
cars
could cause
air
pollution
.
Furthermore
, in modern
cities
, most people claim that there is a lot of noise
due to
private
cars
. The reason why noise
pollution
is experienced in big
cities
is that increasing the
number
of personal
vehicles
also
causes many traffic jams. It can
also
increase the risk of accidents.
For example
, New York is becoming one of the most noise-polluted
cities
.
Because approximately
Correct word choice
Approximately
show examples
50000 private
cars
are used by people and
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
27
Change preposition
of 27
show examples
traffic jams are experienced every day because of personal
vehicles
. In conclusion, owning a car offers several advantages
such
as saving time, privacy, improving quality of life and so on.
On the other hand
, it
also
increases the rates of
air
pollution
, traffic jams, noise
pollution
, risk of accidents, the greenhouse effect, climate
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
and so on.
Therefore
, owning private
cars
has more disadvantages than its advantages.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the context. To improve, consider explicitly stating your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are generally well-organized, ensure that each point is developed thoroughly with sufficient explanation and examples. For instance, the impact of air pollution on health or the environment could be elaborated further.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and varied examples to support your points. Examples can sometimes feel repetitive and could be diversified to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical flow, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using connectors like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'however' can make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Make your conclusion more assertive by summarizing the key points and restating your opinion clearly. This will help in reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, which makes for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The use of specific city examples like Tashkent and New York brings a real-world dimension to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have used a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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