IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In developed countries, more and more people buy and use their cars. Do the advantages for people of cars using outweight its disadvantages on environment.

#countries #people #cars #outweight #environment
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The rates of purchasing and usage of private
cars
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 are increasing in developed countries.
Although
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 people use their personal
vehicles
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 on a daily basis, it can cause a
number
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 of environmental issues. In developed countries, increasing the
number
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 of private
cars
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 has caused
air
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pollution
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. The main reason is that all
vehicles
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 move by burning fuels. Burning gasoline and diesel fuel creates harmful byproducts.
As a result
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, a large amount of carbon dioxide is released into the atmosphere and causes
air
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pollution
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.
For example
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, Tashkent is becoming one of the most
air
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-polluted
cities
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. Because 76% of the population use their own transport.
Thus
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, using a large
number
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 of
cars
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 could cause
air
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pollution
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.
Furthermore
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, in modern
cities
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, most people claim that there is a lot of noise
due to
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 private
cars
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. The reason why noise
pollution
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 is experienced in big
cities
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 is that increasing the
number
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 of personal
vehicles
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also
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 causes many traffic jams. It can
also
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 increase the risk of accidents.
For example
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, New York is becoming one of the most noise-polluted
cities
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.
Because approximately
Correct word choice
Approximately
show examples
 50000 private
cars
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 are used by people and
average
Correct article usage
an average
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27
Change preposition
of 27
show examples
 traffic jams are experienced every day because of personal
vehicles
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. In conclusion, owning a car offers several advantages
such
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 as saving time, privacy, improving quality of life and so on.
On the other hand
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, it
also
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 increases the rates of
air
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pollution
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, traffic jams, noise
pollution
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, risk of accidents, the greenhouse effect, climate
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 and so on.
Therefore
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, owning private
cars
Use synonyms
 has more disadvantages than its advantages.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the context. To improve, consider explicitly stating your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are generally well-organized, ensure that each point is developed thoroughly with sufficient explanation and examples. For instance, the impact of air pollution on health or the environment could be elaborated further.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and varied examples to support your points. Examples can sometimes feel repetitive and could be diversified to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical flow, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using connectors like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'however' can make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Make your conclusion more assertive by summarizing the key points and restating your opinion clearly. This will help in reinforcing your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, which makes for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
The use of specific city examples like Tashkent and New York brings a real-world dimension to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have used a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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