IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some opine that individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. They think that we must return to older and more traditional values such as respect for the elderly people and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#opine #selfishness #basis #society #values #respect #people #community #world
It is often argued that greed and egoism are the main traits of our society. Many opine that we need to stick with more conventional
values
 and have more respect for the older generation and the local community.
This
 essay completely agrees with
this
 statement.
Firstly
, many
people
 are only interested in their income these days and are extremely ego-centric;
secondly
, it is essential that we preserve traditional
values
 and give more respect to elderly
people
 if we want to have a bright future for the next generations. One of the principal problems of modern society is greed.
People
 nowadays are often only interested in filling their pockets, and,
as a result
, they forget about morality and become unimaginably cocky and selfish. The principal example of greed is billionaires. Mostly, these
people
 have no moral
values
 are addicted to money and permanently wish to get more, which often results in personal tragedies and in some cases even leads to crimes and other law violations. When it comes to traditional
values
such
 as showing more respect for the older generation, I opine that it is crucially important. In order to create a better world and give our children a future, we need to remind ourselves what our ancestors and parents played in our lives,
thus
 showing complete support, understanding and kindness.
For instance
, Arabic countries are well known for how the older generation is treated by the government, which provides them with decent pensions.
To sum up
, traditional
values
 are vital and, if we want us and the next generations to live in a better world, we need to stick to them.
Submitted by mihailkryukov55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Improve the use of more specific and varied examples to support the main points, especially regarding traditional values and the impact of greed.
complete response
Ensure that all points are fully expanded upon to provide a comprehensive response.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
logical structure
Logical structure and progression of ideas allow for easy understanding of the argument.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported and relate clearly back to the thesis statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: