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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say that the computer is an integral part of modern education. Everything can be taught and learnt better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computer #part #education #learnt
Some people argue that in
this
 present world, education is
flexibel
Correct your spelling
flexible
 for learning and teaching and could lead to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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better. I
competely
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 statement. First of all, as we know
computer
 is one of the
impotant
Correct your spelling
important
 things that everyone must have,
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 in
this
 modern era.
as
Capitalize word
As
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 who live with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 development of technology, it will be very crucial to get some advantages
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 of the
computer
.
For Instance
,
in
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schools must
be provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 a
computer
 for students
due to
 it helps them to be better
to study
Change preposition
at studying
show examples
 and it will enhance their
computer
 ability since the skill will be useful for them in the future.
Secondly
,
computer
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computers
show examples
also
 have a big impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our generation,
that is
 why
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 must
keep
Verb problem
apply
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be improved.
As a result
, Education in
this
 present can be better and will not left behind
with
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apply
show examples
another country
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other countries
show examples
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 Japan which has a toward
revolusi
Correct your spelling
revolution
 5.0.
Therefore
 we can take
example
Add an article
an example
show examples
 from
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
country
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 developed country. In conclusion, In
this
 modern era as human, we really need
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 to improve students to be better and have a great skill with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
technology
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, it will have a big for them in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but needs more context. Consider providing a brief background on the topic before stating your thesis.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant, but they need more elaboration. Provide specific examples or detailed explanations to support your argument.
task achievement
Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed. While you agree with the statement, consider also discussing opposing viewpoints to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for grammatical and spelling errors. This will make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and provide relevant arguments in support of your position.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion reinforces your main argument effectively, reiterating the importance of computers in modern education.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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