IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

"Many people believe that reducing the income gap between the rich and the poor can lead to a happier society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that narrowing the wealth disparity between the rich and the poor can create a
society
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 in which everyone is more content. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion and think that a smaller
gap
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 fosters fairness, social harmony, and equal opportunities.
Firstly
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, it promotes social equality.
In other words
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, reducing the income
gap
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 ensures fair access to essential resources,
such
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 as education, healthcare, and opportunities, leading to a more equitable
society
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. To give a clear example, high-class individuals can put their hand on anything they seek because they have a better image, and others think that if the rich are treated well, they could use their connections in the future for their needs.
However
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, that doesn't apply to poor people since those in lower social classes are not as beneficial as the rich, so the poor just get ignored and mistreated.
As a result
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, discrimination between different social classes can be seen clearly.
Secondly
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, it enhances social harmony.
That is
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 to say, a smaller wealth
gap
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 lessens tensions and contributes significantly to building a sense of unity and satisfaction among all socioeconomic groups.
Moreover
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, when the
gap
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 is too wide, it often leads to social unrest and feelings of inequality. To illustrate, whenever the poor deal with the rich and observe how fancy their life is compared to theirs, they get gloomy and start to hate them.
Consequently
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,
this
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 imbalance can lead to resentment
as well as
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 divisions within
society
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,
further
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 exacerbating the lack of social cohesion and harmony.
To sum up
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, I strongly believe that shrinking the wealth
gap
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 is crucial for building a more cohesive
society
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 where concerns are reduced
along
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with
Change preposition
apply
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opportunities are accessible to all so people can live with greater unity and mutual respect.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or empirical evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that directly supports your thesis statement.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and your position clearly without ambiguity.
logical structure
Each paragraph is well-structured and logically follows the previous one, maintaining a clear flow of ideas.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay demonstrates clear, comprehensive ideas with good supporting points.
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