IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #students #university #school #benefit #courses #travel #jobs #education
A
Correct article usage
The
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 phenomenon of taking a gap year before starting
a
Correct article usage
apply
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university
life
 has been the talk of the town in recent years. Responding to the trend, society begins to argue if taking a break first would be beneficial or not for the students and their next chapter of study. Many people think it will
impacted
Change the verb form
impact
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 their courses in a good way. Similar to the majority, I entirely support those who want to gain experiences from working or travelling because it can help them to develop helpful skills for finishing their
degree
Change the noun form
degrees
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such
 as
problem solving
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problem-solving
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 and adaptation skills. Youngsters who choose to have work experiences before getting into universities will be better
in
Change preposition
at
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 facing
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
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life
 problems.
For instance
, I had
diffiiculty
Correct your spelling
difficulty
difficult
to do
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doing
show examples
 well on my final thesis since I did not have enough familiarity to spot any potential issues. Eventually, my academic advisor decided the topic of my thesis for me. I believe people who have done professional jobs will find it easier to choose the problems to solve for their final assignment topics. Travelling
frequently
Add a missing verb
is frequently
show examples
chosed
Correct your spelling
chosen
choose
 as another thing to do before going to
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 level of education, as it will not only give memories but
also
capability
Add an article
the capability
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 to adapt quickly. Having that character will be beneficial because campus
life
 is different from school
life
.
For example
, I had to read class materials
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three times to fully understand a subject since
clasess
Correct your spelling
classes
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 conducted for a large group of people. Unlike high school courses, which lessons are delivered only up to 20 students. In conclusion,
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
having a job
or
Correct word choice
and
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 exploring a new place before pursuing a degree has many pros. In the end, the choices will be up to the individuals, but I highly recommend
to gain
Change the verb form
gaining
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 more skills first.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance. However, it could be slightly more concise and direct. Try to avoid generic statements like 'talk of the town'.
task achievement
Ensure all points in your essay are directly relevant to your stance on the topic. While the examples provided support the discussion, they could be more directly aligned with the central argument that university education benefits from such experiences.
coherence cohesion
There's a minor grammatical error in 'diffiiculty', which should be 'difficulty'. Also, ensure verbs agree in number and tense consistently—for example, 'travelling frequently chosed' should be 'travelling is frequently chosen'.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs flow logically from one to another. Although your essay has a logical structure, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is crucial for coherence.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples from personal experiences which makes your points more relatable and tangible.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and restates your opinion clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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