The table and graph below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003

The table and graph below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003
The two charts illustrate the phenomenon which is the proportion and frequency of going to the cinema by different aged people during
the
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apply
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1995-2003.They
were
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apply
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both show
a
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apply
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similar
growing
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growth
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and
declining
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decline
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with some minor differences.
Frist
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First
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, the percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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visit
Correct pronoun usage
who visit
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to the cinema grew steadily before 2003, except
the
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apply
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1997-1999,
maintain
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maintained
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smooth
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smoothly
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.
By contrast
, a steady decrease
has been
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was
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recorded in
the
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apply
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2003. The percentage was only 4% higher than
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
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data. Meanwhile, the
overall
trend of
average
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an average
the average
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number of cinema visits was upward, but there have been periods when the data decreased sharply
in1999
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in 1999
at
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by
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around 4 times. In the meantime, the period starting in 1995, the average number of different age groups experienced some fluctuations, ranging from a low of 8 to a high of 11 by 2003.
Subsequently
, there was a notable drop in the figures for both sets of reasons. Each
aged
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age
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groups
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group
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reached its lowest point in
this
period. It was worth
mentioned
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mentioning
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that the groups under 35
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached the same number of 10 by 2003. In conclusion,
Although
there were minor fluctuations, the
overall
information stayed relatively constant throughout several years. Something may
be
Verb problem
have
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happen
Wrong verb form
happened
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between 1997
-
Correct word choice
and
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1999.
Submitted by xhwangg1231 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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