IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and graph below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003

The table and graph below show information about cinema visits in Auckland between 1995 and 2003
#show #information #cinema #visits #auckland
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The two charts illustrate the phenomenon which is the proportion and frequency of going to the cinema by different aged people during
the
Change the article
apply
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1995-2003.They
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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both show
a
Correct article usage
apply
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similar
growing
Replace the word
growth
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 and
declining
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
 with some minor differences.
Frist
Correct your spelling
First
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, the percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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visit
Correct pronoun usage
who visit
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 to the cinema grew steadily before 2003, except
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1997-1999,
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
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smooth
Change the word
smoothly
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, a steady decrease
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 recorded in
the
Change the article
apply
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2003. The percentage was only 4% higher than
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
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 data. Meanwhile, the
overall
Linking Words
 trend of
average
Change the article
an average
the average
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 number of cinema visits was upward, but there have been periods when the data decreased sharply
in1999
Correct your spelling
in 1999
at
Change preposition
by
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 around 4 times. In the meantime, the period starting in 1995, the average number of different age groups experienced some fluctuations, ranging from a low of 8 to a high of 11 by 2003.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, there was a notable drop in the figures for both sets of reasons. Each
aged
Replace the word
age
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groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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 reached its lowest point in
this
Linking Words
 period. It was worth
mentioned
Change the form of the verb
mentioning
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 that the groups under 35
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached the same number of 10 by 2003. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 there were minor fluctuations, the
overall
Linking Words
 information stayed relatively constant throughout several years. Something may
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 between 1997
-
Correct word choice
and
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1999.
Submitted by xhwangg1231 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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