IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.(huseyn mock)

In the present world,
people
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 are more interested in the way they raise their children and they do many things to make them good adults, even when it comes to entertainment, some
people
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 think that children’s leisure
activities
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 must be educational and they should learn something from it,
otherwise
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, they are a complete waste of
time
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. I completely agree with
this
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 because education is everything in today's world and it is key to a better future.
Firstly
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, children can learn many things from playing without getting bored.
For example
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, playing with flashcards,
this
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 game allows kids to stay focused and be patient and
also
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 accept the reality if he/she loses.
As a result
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, some
activities
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 could be both fun and educational.
In addition
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 to
this
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, many kids can not see the difference between a leisure activity and an educational one.
Secondly
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, starting from a young age to learn about life, makes it easy for you to deal with your problems when you get older. So, parents should invest in choosing the right
activities
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 that afford
this
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.
For instance
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, joining swimming classes and learning how to swim from a young age is really helpful and a good way to spend your free
time
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 and get benefits at the same
time
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.
However
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, other
activities
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such
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 as playing games online are a waste of
time
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.
To sum up
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,
people
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 must give more attention to which activity they give to their children
,
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apply
show examples
 because it should be educational and fun at the same
time
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 learn many positive habits from their childhood.

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task achievement
Make clear arguments for your main point and give more examples to support your views.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas better to make your writing flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentences to make your writing more interesting.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion in your essay and supported it with reasons.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and show your ideas well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure
  • activities
  • educational
  • waste
  • time
  • important
  • development
  • relax
  • stress
  • creativity
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • fun
  • balance
  • growth
  • enjoy
  • free time
  • self-expression
  • children
  • mental health
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