It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?
Some communities say that
people
who want to know about some traditional culture
it is not should be travelling there. However
, many people
have another way to understand it by books, films, and the internet
. I argue with the statement above regarding a couple of things I will discuss.
To begin
with, learning the culture
of other people
by travelling there has several drawbacks such
as spending a lot
of money and time
. For Instance
, individuals who want to make a journey to learn a new culture
must have a lot
of money and time
, because they must pay to book a public transportation ticket or pay for petrol for those who carry their private vehicle. Besides
, impossible to spend a lot
of time
to do this
journey, so it is a must to spare a lot
of time
if they want to be gain satisfactory results for the expedition. For instance
, java people
want to know about Papua culture
, it
is impossible to spend Correct word choice
but it
time
for only two days because of the distance. Therefore
making a journey to learn about other cultures are
really expensive and a waste the Change the verb form
is
time
.
On the other hand
, individuals choose to learn about a new culture
by reading books, watching TV, and searching on Internet
. Add an article
the Internet
This
situation does not require much money and time
, because we just need to sit in front of a TV or a device and we can find all kinds of the culture
around the world. For instance
, if we want to know about African culture
, we just write on YouTube search and we are able to find all channels that discuss it. In addition
, we do not need a special time
to do it, because we are able to find it on the
mobile phones wherever and whenever which Correct article usage
apply
internet
available
.
In conclusion, Add a missing verb
is available
traveling
to a new place in order to learn a new Change the spelling
travelling
culture
is beneficial, however
, learning a new culture
through film, books, and the internet
more better because economical and more effective than opposite
.Correct article usage
the opposite
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Strengthen your main points with more detailed examples. For instance, you briefly mentioned how learning about African culture can be done through YouTube but didn’t provide enough specifics on how this method could compare in-depth to traveling.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Try using more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. Some sentences were awkward or unclear due to incorrect word choice or grammar errors. For example, 'it is not should be travelling there' should be corrected to 'they should not travel there.'
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You did a good job of discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own point of view. This brings balance to your essay.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!