It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some communities say that

people

Use synonyms

who want to know about some traditional

culture

Use synonyms

it is not should be travelling there.

However

Linking Words

, many

people

Use synonyms

have another way to understand it by books, films, and the

internet

Use synonyms

. I argue with the statement above regarding a couple of things I will discuss.

To begin

Linking Words

with, learning the

culture

Use synonyms

of other

people

Use synonyms

by travelling there has several drawbacks

such

Linking Words

as spending a

lot

Use synonyms

of money and

time

Use synonyms

For Instance

Linking Words

, individuals who want to make a journey to learn a new

culture

Use synonyms

must have a

lot

Use synonyms

of money and

time

Use synonyms

, because they must pay to book a public transportation ticket or pay for petrol for those who carry their private vehicle.

Besides

Linking Words

, impossible to spend a

lot

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

to do

this

Linking Words

journey, so it is a must to spare a

lot

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

if they want to be gain satisfactory results for the expedition.

For instance

Linking Words

, java

people

Use synonyms

want to know about Papua

culture

Use synonyms

Correct word choice

but it

show examples

is impossible to spend

time

Use synonyms

for only two days because of the distance.

Therefore

Linking Words

making a journey to learn about other cultures

are

Change the verb form

show examples

really expensive and a waste the

time

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On the other hand

Linking Words

, individuals choose to learn about a new

culture

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by reading books, watching TV, and searching on

Use synonyms

Internet

Add an article

the Internet

show examples

This

Linking Words

situation does not require much money and

time

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, because we just need to sit in front of a TV or a device and we can find all kinds of the

culture

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around the world.

For instance

Linking Words

, if we want to know about African

culture

Use synonyms

, we just write on YouTube search and we are able to find all channels that discuss it.

In addition

Linking Words

, we do not need a special

time

Use synonyms

to do it, because we are able to find it on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mobile phones wherever and whenever which

internet

Use synonyms

available

Add a missing verb

is available

show examples

. In conclusion,

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

to a new place in order to learn a new

culture

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is beneficial,

however

Linking Words

, learning a new

culture

Use synonyms

through film, books, and the

internet

Use synonyms

more better because economical and more effective than

opposite

Correct article usage

the opposite

show examples

patricius.yohanesThu Jun 06 2024

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task achievement

Strengthen your main points with more detailed examples. For instance, you briefly mentioned how learning about African culture can be done through YouTube but didn’t provide enough specifics on how this method could compare in-depth to traveling.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Try using more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage. Some sentences were awkward or unclear due to incorrect word choice or grammar errors. For example, 'it is not should be travelling there' should be corrected to 'they should not travel there.'

coherence cohesion

You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.

task achievement

You did a good job of discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own point of view. This brings balance to your essay.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

339 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural immersion
digital access
firsthand experience
nuanced understanding
cultural subtleties
cost-effective learning
real-time interaction
personal growth
sensory engagement
global interconnectedness

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It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development?

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasizes that their products are new in some way. Why is this ? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?