IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think governments should spend less money on arts and invest more in education. How far do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #governments #money #arts #education
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Art
Use synonyms
 and
Education
Use synonyms
 have a different output for
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
. By Giving a focus on
art
Use synonyms
, it can help the
government
Use synonyms
 to get more investors, increasing revenue from the visitors, and
also
Linking Words
 it will be a potential place for tourists to come. Meanwhile,
Education
Use synonyms
 is one of the important things for the
government
Use synonyms
 to provide a good quality human resource in the future. In my opinion, I prefer the
government
Use synonyms
 to invest more in the arts rather than spend more money on
education
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some researchers said
people
Use synonyms
 who work in
art
Use synonyms
, they are using a right-side brain to work. A right-side brain means creativity. They know the limitations to keeping creative and surviving to produce beautiful
art
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 is a place for
people
Use synonyms
 to express their emotions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and feelings, and it will be a beautiful creation. Those who know arts can appreciate that creation at an expensive price. More support in arts can give a chance every
people
Use synonyms
 to explore the beauty inside of
art
Use synonyms
 and automatically it will have an
impact
Use synonyms
 on the region and attract
people
Use synonyms
 to come and visit their region.
For example
Linking Words
, investing more in
art
Use synonyms
 is providing a media, museum, or instructor for every person who has the potential talent to produce their creation in
art
Use synonyms
, show it to the public and actually it will give added value to the
government
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, spending money on
art
Use synonyms
 will have an
impact
Use synonyms
 directly on the
government
Use synonyms
. For their
people
Use synonyms
, revenue, and tourism. Even though
education
Use synonyms
 is important for
people
Use synonyms
, it does not have a direct
impact
Use synonyms
 but it will have an
impact
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Submitted by jermias.darondo89 on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear stance on the issue, but it lacks sufficient depth in its arguments. Ensure that you develop your points more thoroughly, with relevant examples to enhance your argumentation.
task response
A more balanced approach can help to present a well-rounded argument. Although supporting art is important, acknowledging and providing a counter-argument for education might strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, it can be improved by having smoother transitions between paragraphs. Signposting words or phrases can help guide the reader more effectively through your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph distinctly supports a key point of your argument. Ensure that your main points are clearly supported with appropriate evidence and examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's main argument.
task response
The writer's viewpoint is clear and consistent throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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