Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many individuals think that the main advantage of
schools
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is to educate children into good employees and citizens, rather than benefit themselves.
This
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writer agrees with
this
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statement
due to
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its pros in improving the literacy rate in society and will show the point of view in
this
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writing essay. It is evident that
students
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need to be taught good knowledge by teachers at school.
According to
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this
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, it is vital that children should have opportunities to go to school.
Moreover
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, most
students
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do not have life experiences and social
skills
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,
therefore
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, enrolling in
schools
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will help children solve these problems and react in specific cases.
For instance
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, study fees are supported in European countries in order to enhance student’s knowledge Not only that, many
schools
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also
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help
students
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to develop their social responsibility. It must be acknowledged that
schools
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educate several good characteristics like honesty and awareness which are necessary for a citizen.
Due to
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this
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,
students
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who can achieve these useful
skills
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will be able to be independent of their parents and they can make money for themselves when they have grown up. Take American
students
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as an example, in
this
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country, social
skills
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are the priority to teach
students
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at young ages so people in
this
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country have
had
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apply
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a high rate of annual income.
To conclude
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,
while
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studying at school benefits
students
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the main purpose is educating
students
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to
good
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be good
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citizens and labourers.
Due to
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this
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,
schools
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have to teach young learners the
skills
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that are helpful for their lives in the future.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, presenting a clear viewpoint. To improve, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between ideas. Each paragraph should follow a clear and logical progression that ties back to the main argument. Using transition words can help in achieving this.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the writer's stance on the issue, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with reasonable arguments and examples, which contribute to the coherence of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
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