Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals think that the main advantage of
schools
is to educate children into good employees and citizens, rather than benefit themselves. This
writer agrees with this
statement due to
its pros in improving the literacy rate in society and will show the point of view in this
writing essay.
It is evident that students
need to be taught good knowledge by teachers at school. According to
this
, it is vital that children should have opportunities to go to school. Moreover
, most students
do not have life experiences and social skills
, therefore
, enrolling in schools
will help children solve these problems and react in specific cases. For instance
, study fees are supported in European countries in order to enhance student’s knowledge
Not only that, many schools
also
help students
to develop their social responsibility. It must be acknowledged that schools
educate several good characteristics like honesty and awareness which are necessary for a citizen. Due to
this
, students
who can achieve these useful skills
will be able to be independent of their parents and they can make money for themselves when they have grown up. Take American students
as an example, in this
country, social skills
are the priority to teach students
at young ages so people in this
country have had
a high rate of annual income.
Unnecessary verb
apply
To conclude
, while
studying at school benefits students
the main purpose is educating students
to good
citizens and labourers. Add a missing verb
be good
Due to
this
, schools
have to teach young learners the skills
that are helpful for their lives in the future.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, presenting a clear viewpoint. To improve, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between ideas. Each paragraph should follow a clear and logical progression that ties back to the main argument. Using transition words can help in achieving this.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the writer's stance on the issue, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported with reasonable arguments and examples, which contribute to the coherence of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?