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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use.
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The first pie
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage in an Australian household.
However
Linking Words
, the
second
Use synonyms
 graph provides information about
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gases which are emitted from people’s
energy
Use synonyms
 use.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 heating accounted for the highest percentage of
energy
Use synonyms
 use, the smallest amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 was used for cooling. In the
second
Use synonyms
chart
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, the largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gases was emitted from water heating.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the least amount of
greenhouse
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 gas emissions resulted from the
energy
Use synonyms
 used for cooling.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the first graph, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of heating was the highest at 42% and 30% of
energy
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 was used for warming up the water.
In addition
Linking Words
, 7% of
energy
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 was consumed for refrigeration.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the figure for cooling and lighting was the lowest with 2% and 4% respectively. It is worth noting that, 15% of
energy
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 was consumed for other appliances. Turning towards the
second
Use synonyms
chart
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, 32% of
greenhouse
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 gases were emitted from the
energy
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 which was used for water heating which was the largest. The
second
Use synonyms
 highest
proportion
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 of
greenhouse
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 gas emissions resulted from other appliances with 28%.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for heating and refrigeration was roughly the same with 15% and 14% respectively. Similar to the first
chart
Use synonyms
, the percentage of cooling and lighting was the smallest with only 3% and 8%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, proportion, energy, second, greenhouse with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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