IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that hosting an international sporting event is beneficial for the country, while others disagree. Do the benefits of hosting a major sporting event outweight the drawbacks?

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There is an ongoing debate among people about whether becoming a host in a global sporting
event
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 is beneficial for the
country
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 or a
drawback
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. I believe that the advantages of becoming the host far outweigh the
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drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
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 it might bring. On the one hand, the first profit regarding the charging in international sporting events is increasing incomes. In recent times, the main external factor of a developed
country
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 is determined by how many tourists come to their
country
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. Tourists can contribute their currency to strengthen the currency hosted, resulting in the money exchange rate.
For example
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,
while
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 the
event
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 organizer from the governor exhibits the international events, they can encourage the local businesses
create
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to create
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 merchandise to sell to the tourists.
In addition
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, new buildings that are caused by hosting a sporting
event
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 are
also
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 beneficial for society. For the long term, after the international
event
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 has finished some buildings can be leveraged to other useful activities. The government can leverage the inside of the
sports
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 field into public open spaces for society. People can spend their leisure time by inviting their families to do
sports
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such
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 as walking, jogging and gymnastics.
On the other hand
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, one
drawback
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 of organizing worldwide international
sports
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 is creating debt. It is not unsurprising that some countries lead their desire to be in charge of international
sports
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 by showing off their
country
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 without considering it well.
For instance
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, the developed
country
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 loans money towards the international bank to create a stadium.
Moreover
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, some countries create a policy which burdens the people
such
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 as the allowance of workers being taken around 5% to support the international fields.
Therefore
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, it is possible that the
country
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 will fall into poverty conditions. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the positive side is far more essential than the
drawback
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 in terms of increasing financial economic conditions and constructing new buildings for society after the
event
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 has finished.

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task response
To improve task response, try to address all parts of the prompt in greater detail. Include more specific examples and analysis to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next one. Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of ideas. Make sure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument.
introduction and conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument well.
relevant examples
The examples provided, such as tourists contributing to the local economy and the repurposing of buildings, are relevant and help illustrate the points made.
supported main points
The main points are supported with explanations, which helps to elaborate on the ideas being presented.
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