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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #work #police #force
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It is true that in
this
 day and age, opinion is divided over whether
police
women
 ought to be disenfranchised. In
this
 essay, I will look at both sides of
this
 debate
as well as
 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the arguments in favour of
this
 idea, it goes without saying that
women
 are more likely than men to experience life events
such
 as pregnancy, which naturally leads to more periods of leave.In
this
 instance,
women
 are more likely than men to have a valid absence or have longer periods of leave
due to
 the nature of their being pregnant or taking parental or carer’s leave.
This
 could lead to stress being created in the workplace. As far as the other side of
this
 debate is concerned, it is generally acknowledged that some cases are difficult for male
police
 officers to handle,
such
 as sex crimes. It may
also
 be worth noting that forbidding
women
 from being
police
 officers would take away
women
's freedom of choice in the profession, which can amount to sexism and human rights. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above, it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
 debate.
However
, I am of the opinion that in the grand scheme of things, the disadvantages of not allowing
women
 to be
police
 officers outweigh the merits.
This
 is especially true in today's society, where human rights violations and sexism are being addressed even more than before.
Submitted by yusei.nakano on

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Task Achievement
Provide more detailed examples and evidence for your arguments to strengthen your case.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Consider exploring additional perspectives to enrich the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You successfully discussed arguments for both sides before presenting your own viewpoint, which enhances the completeness of your response.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments and clearly states your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent equality
  • law enforcement
  • empathy
  • gender-based violence
  • community relations
  • diversity
  • team performance
  • systemic gender bias
  • physical requirements
  • culture of masculinity
What to do next:
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