Many people today choose to take part in extreme sports (e.g. skydiving, rock climbing). Why do you think people want to do these sports? Who do you think should pay if people injure themselves while doing an extreme sport?
Nowadays a routine lifestyle has bored lots of people all around the world. It means that many individuals prefer to experience something different, by which, they could feel more excited. Humans can be exhausted of casual life,
therefore
such
adventures are crucial.
In my opinion, the main reason some people experience these kind
of activities is to be revived by amazing and interesting affairs. Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
For example
, they enrol for a
parachuting from Remove the article
apply
the
height which approximately Correct article usage
a
reaches
1000 metres, merely to experience adrenaline and to feel they are brave enough.
I think it's not a good idea to put precious life in trouble, Verb problem
apply
however
some excitement is Add a comma
however,
also
necessary to avoid a boring daily routine. Unfortunately, we hear a lot of bad news about accidents and crushes which occur in such
breath-taking areas. For instance
, well-known
person Add an article
the well-known
a well-known
got
Verb problem
had
heart
attack during kite-running and sadly passed away. Another example is my acquaintance Correct article usage
a heart
broke
his leg Correct pronoun usage
who broke
while
mountain cycling. There are some reasons we should be aware of the drawbacks of this
lifestyle.
In conclusion, having fun and activities apart from work is recommended but when it comes to life-threatening performance, we must cancel it and try other things such
as cycling, running, yoga
. It is predicted, in the future, with Correct word choice
and yoga
aid
of developing technologies, we can specialise Correct article usage
the aid
Change preposition
in equipments
equipments
for Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
such
purposes and prevent harmful events.Submitted by dnm.best on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides reasons and examples related to why people participate in extreme sports. To improve, you could strengthen your examples by making them more relevant and specific. For instance, providing data or more detailed personal anecdotes would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but consider refining your transitions between points for greater clarity and a smoother read.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarises your main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides logical reasons for why people engage in extreme sports and acknowledges the risks involved.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!