IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

#people #information #research #business #world
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Some
people
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 believe that it is good to share as much
information
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 as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some
information
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 is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
This
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 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
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 variety of these sentences
that
Correct word choice
and
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 why
people
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 think so
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. Most
people
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 think that it is a logical idea to inform the knowledge that can be proven in scientific research, in academia, or
that is
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 experienced, rather than sharing it for free. I totally agree with
this
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 idea because before you share
this
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information
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, you expect it to be valuable and you have put in the effort to get
this
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information
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. Before sharing
this
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information
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,
people
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 may have spent a certain amount of time, sometimes even day and night, so even if it seems meaningless to some
people
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, the owner of the
information
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 understands its value.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 creativity manifests itself more in the biotechnological field, the evidence of which was seen during the coronavirus era.
For instance
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, solving the mystery of the pandemic, producing vaccines to prevent it, investigating the causes of the mutation of the virus one by one, obtaining results, and presenting them to the public
require
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requires
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 great responsibility.
In addition
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, some argue that certain
information
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, whether it's proprietary knowledge, personal data, or sensitive material, should be safeguarded and not freely shared. Freely sharing
information
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 allows a wider range of
people
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 to review it, improve it and
then
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 re-publish as necessary. Some
information
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,
such
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 as trade secrets, classified government data, or personal medical records, is considered too sensitive or valuable to be freely shared. Protecting
this
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information
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 is crucial for various reasons, including maintaining competitive advantage, national security, and individual privacy.
To conclude
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, it is more accepted that the
information
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 that has been confirmed is academically included in scientific research
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introduction conclusion
Consider including a clear thesis statement in the introduction to set the stage for your arguments. This would improve the overall clarity and focus of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you stick to formal language throughout the essay. Phrases like 'seems meaningless' could be replaced with more formal expressions like 'may appear insignificant to some'.
logical structure
Work on your transitions between paragraphs. Smoother transitions can help in maintaining a logical flow.
introduction conclusion
Expand the conclusion to fully summarize the main points discussed. This would bring better closure to your essay.
complete response
Try to develop your arguments more extensively. This enhances the depth of your analysis and shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
When presenting examples, ensure that they are directly connected to your argument to substantiate your points more strongly.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant examples, specifically the discussion about the coronavirus era, which strengthens the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay shows good attempts to address different perspectives on the topic, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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