IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

#people #information #research #business #world
Some
people
 believe that it is good to share as much
information
 as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some
information
 is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
This
 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 variety of these sentences
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 why
people
 think so
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Most
people
 think that it is a logical idea to inform the knowledge that can be proven in scientific research, in academia, or
that is
 experienced, rather than sharing it for free. I totally agree with
this
 idea because before you share
this
information
, you expect it to be valuable and you have put in the effort to get
this
information
. Before sharing
this
information
,
people
 may have spent a certain amount of time, sometimes even day and night, so even if it seems meaningless to some
people
, the owner of the
information
 understands its value.
On the other hand
,
this
 creativity manifests itself more in the biotechnological field, the evidence of which was seen during the coronavirus era.
For instance
, solving the mystery of the pandemic, producing vaccines to prevent it, investigating the causes of the mutation of the virus one by one, obtaining results, and presenting them to the public
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 great responsibility.
In addition
, some argue that certain
information
, whether it's proprietary knowledge, personal data, or sensitive material, should be safeguarded and not freely shared. Freely sharing
information
 allows a wider range of
people
 to review it, improve it and
then
 re-publish as necessary. Some
information
,
such
 as trade secrets, classified government data, or personal medical records, is considered too sensitive or valuable to be freely shared. Protecting
this
information
 is crucial for various reasons, including maintaining competitive advantage, national security, and individual privacy.
To conclude
, it is more accepted that the
information
 that has been confirmed is academically included in scientific research
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
Consider including a clear thesis statement in the introduction to set the stage for your arguments. This would improve the overall clarity and focus of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you stick to formal language throughout the essay. Phrases like 'seems meaningless' could be replaced with more formal expressions like 'may appear insignificant to some'.
logical structure
Work on your transitions between paragraphs. Smoother transitions can help in maintaining a logical flow.
introduction conclusion
Expand the conclusion to fully summarize the main points discussed. This would bring better closure to your essay.
complete response
Try to develop your arguments more extensively. This enhances the depth of your analysis and shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
When presenting examples, ensure that they are directly connected to your argument to substantiate your points more strongly.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant examples, specifically the discussion about the coronavirus era, which strengthens the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay shows good attempts to address different perspectives on the topic, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: