IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

in most developed countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing . is it a positive or negative development?

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nowadays,
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy can play a crucial role in many aspects. In many expanded countries, the rate of
life
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 expectancy has increased significantly. in my opinion, the benefits greatly outweigh the disadvantages. positively, no one can dare to deny the importance of living longer. because it can be the best opportunity for many individuals to
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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benefit from their
lives
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.
in other words
Linking Words
, they have a
lot
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 of time in their
lives
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 in order to go to work and make a
lot
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 of
money
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.
That is
Linking Words
 why, when they earn a
lot
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 of
money
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 ,they can access
to
Change preposition
apply
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all sorts of facilities to enjoy their
lives
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. because there is a clearly recognizable relationship between the rate of income and welfare.so, having a
life
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 longer can be the best way to achieve the desired goal in
life
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. negatively,
although
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life
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 expectancy can be attractive for many people in their
lives
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, can have a negative effect on the
government
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 .because when people live a long and get old day after day.
that is
Linking Words
 why, they need a wide variety of things, especially
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care system which
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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a
Remove the article
apply
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pressure on the
government
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 to pay a
lot
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 of
money
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 to provide
this
Linking Words
 facility for older people
while
Linking Words
 the
government
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 can vast
a mount
Correct your spelling
amount
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 of
money
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 must go on
vital
Add an article
a vital
the vital
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 part of society.
this
Linking Words
 strategy has a disadvantage for the
government
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. in conclusion, weighing both sides of the arguments,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would say that
life
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expectency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 can provide
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
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 for individuals to enjoy their
lives
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 more and more and of course achieve their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 goals in their
life
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.

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task achievement
To improve your Task Response, make sure to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, cite studies or statistics that demonstrate the benefits of increased life expectancy.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all subsequent sentences logically develop the main idea. This will strengthen the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structure and use a range of connectors to show the relationship between ideas. This will help improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
You have clearly addressed both the positive and negative aspects of increased life expectancy, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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