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Band 7

In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #case #development
In the contemporary era, residents would select Western clothes rather than traditional customs.
This
 essay maintains that
this
 phenomenon occurs
due to
 the convenience of current fashion and benefits the citizens' economy. It must be obvious to acknowledge that modern-day clothing like jeans and T-shirts are functional. Compared with traditional
attire
, their construction often includes features like sturdy fabrics, comfortable cuts, and versatile styles that accommodate a range of movements.
For
this
 reason, not only are they comfortable and durable, but
also
 adaptable to different contexts.
Hence
,
this
 practicality makes them a more popular choice for everyday use, contributing to their widespread adoption globally. Take Nike as a contextual example, in which customers prioritize its shoes over their local ones because
this
 brand has invested in technologies like Air Max cushioning, Flyknit materials for a sock-like fit, and responsive soles that return energy with each step. From
this
 writer's perspective, the shift toward favouring Western-style clothing over traditional
attire
 is a positive adaption on account of the financial gain. Thanks to mass production, the cost of Western wear is more affordable than the handcrafted customary ones.
Due to
this
 factor, individuals with limited finances will have more opportunities to amass substantial savings by opting for affordable clothing purchases, so they free up funds for allocation towards other essential needs or investment purposes.
This
 scenario unfolds during the annual event known as Black Friday when shoppers can purchase Western clothing at a 50% discount.
Hence
, the transition towards preferring Western-style clothing over traditional
attire
 is a beneficial adjustment
due to
 its financial advantages. To recapitulate, people in modern times tend to choose Western
attire
 over traditional garments in light of its practicality and ease of use.
Therefore
, the prevalence of
this
 trend proves advantageous
as a result
 of the economic benefits it yields.
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coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer delineation between the reasons why people prefer Western clothing and why it is seen as a positive development. Consider using separate paragraphs for each reason and its corresponding positive or negative impact to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Strengthen the argument by discussing counterpoints or potential negative impacts of adopting Western attire. This will provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate critical thinking.
task achievement
Ensure consistency in the use of terms. For example, 'customs' at the beginning might be better replaced with 'attire' or 'clothing' to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, encapsulating the main arguments effectively within the word count.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is logical, with ideas flowing naturally from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to Nike and Black Friday, are used effectively to support the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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