IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #increases #crime #rates #believe #police #streets #combat
Many people believe that some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates, and we should have more
law
enforcement
 on the street as the best way to control combat violations. I completely agree with
this
 viewpoint for two reasons. The first reason is that criminals will be deterred by the presence of
law
enforcement
 officers. What I mean is that when would-be criminals know that force is present in every corner of the city, they can create a sense of fear and hesitation.
For example
, in Nha Trang city, after deploying the 979-patrol
law
enforcement
, the amount of social order crimes has decreased significantly.
As a result
,
this
 can reduce the likelihood of criminal activities
such
 as theft, robbery, and vandalism
Secondly
, more
law
enforcement
 on the street can lead to faster response time on incidents.
This
 means potentially preventing lawlessness from escalating and increasing the chance of catching offenders.
For instance
, if it only takes 2 to 5 minutes for the force to reach the accident site, the escape number of criminals will be very low.
Consequently
, the presence of prompt response from
law
enforcement
 can significantly enhance public safety and deter future criminal activities. In conclusion, there are many parts of the world are struggling with the increases in crime rate, and having more police on the street is the best way to reduce the combat crime rate
Submitted by luantrat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and you effectively present your viewpoint. To improve further, try to expand on your examples slightly more, providing additional context or detail to fully illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphing. However, consider adding smoother transitions between ideas to ensure a seamless flow. For instance, phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' can help connect your points more cohesively.
task achievement
You’ve provided relevant and specific examples which help to substantiate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Both your introduction and conclusion succinctly frame your argument, providing a clear starting and ending point for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is organized in a clear and logical manner, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: