Although for most people it takes a long time to become successful, for some, it happens at a very young age. Are the disadvantages of being a young celebrity greater than the advantages.
Success is not an academic issue,
however
, for some parts of society, it comes when they are adults, while
others get it when they are young. On the one hand, fortune brings great opportunities to improve talent when you are at the beginning of your way. On the other hand
, it can stop growth by challenges you are not able to hold. Contrary, adult stars have the same benefit, but they are ready for their problems.
The main advantage of being a celebrity is that it exposes young people to develop their abilities harder to be more successful. However
, this
enables them to create new content which proves their skills. For example
, Paul Logan became famous as a young YouTuber filming short clips. On the contrary
, nowadays he is a professional boxer with good statistics. Although
he challenges The Heavyweight Champion Mike Tyson to fight with him. Certainly, Logan's star is brightening lighter than it was in the past. Despite this
, his example is an exception more than a rule, because usually, such
experiments end with a broken fate and poverty.
Therefore
, having a successful life from an early start means fighting the temptations which it brings. Also
, this
leads to related consequences, such
as alcoholism, drug addiction and psychological problems because they can't control it. For example
, Britney Spears was famous all over The World for her songs, she had wealth, glory and authority, but she wasn't able to take responsibility for her actions because of her youth and absence of life experience. Now she is divorced, and her heart is broken. Although
, the singer tries to deal with her addictions. This
is a disadvantage which makes being a star dangerous without necessary backup.
In conclusion, although
becoming an early-age celebrity can distribute your unique talents in great measure, the dark side of glory is very hazardous and you should be prepared for it.Submitted by interclass1982 on
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task achievement
While your introduction does a good job of setting up the discussion, it would be beneficial to be more explicit about your position on the issue. Clarify if you believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages or vice versa.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, consider using more transitional phrases to better link your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the overall fluency of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each point you make is supported by ample evidence or examples. While you have provided some examples, like Logan Paul and Britney Spears, further elaboration or more varied examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more complex sentence structures and precise vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on the counterpoints as well. This will show a balanced understanding of the topic and enhance the depth of your analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have supported your main points with relevant examples, which makes your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The central ideas are presented clearly, making your essay easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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