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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people now wear western-style dresses such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In the modern era, it is common to witness citizens follow Western fashion styles worldwide
instead
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 of dressing in their traditional outfits.
This
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 writer believes that
this
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 phenomenon is caused by globalization and can potentially have negative effects
due to
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 the loss of national identity.
To begin
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 with, it is vital to understand that globalisation is a big factor in the Western-style trend. It can be seen that people nowadays have access to the Internet and it helps different communities around the globe to get in touch and share
about
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their culture with each other;
therefore
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, exposing people in developing countries to Western fashion. Because residents of developing countries often consider the trend in developed countries as contemporary and fashionable, they will try to change to using Western outfits. Take Vietnam as a contextual example, the population are currently dressing in Western
clothes
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such
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 as jeans and suits rather than wearing cultural
clothes
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 like Ao Dai or Ba Ba shirts.
However
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,
this
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 development can be extremely harmful to the identities of nations. It must be considered that Western
clothes
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 are pretty convenient to wear because of their simple design, making them the most popular choice among many citizens from all over the world. Since they wear
a
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similar kinds of
clothes
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, it will create a single-culture world which means people worldwide look the same, there will be no distinction in terms of fashion.
As a result
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,
this
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 can make traditional
clothes
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 lose their position in
the
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society and eventually, fade away, leading to
the
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cultural erosion.
For instance
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, many Africans wear Western-style dresses and rarely wear their cultural outfits. In conclusion, it is globalization that caused the same clothing trend and the loss of identities makes it a disadvantageous development.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay has given clear points to demonstrate the author's opinion about the reason and the type of development.

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task response
To further enhance the task response, try to delve deeper into both the positive and negative aspects of wearing Western-style clothes. This could help to present a more balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. This can be achieved by using more linking words and phrases. For example, words like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "On the other hand," can aid the reader in understanding the progression of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your main points. This will make your essay more compelling and informative.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, helping the reader to understand the main points of the essay.
task response
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the arguments, which strengthens the points made.
task response
The ideas are presented in a clear and comprehensive manner, making the essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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