IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest resources in its young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, the issue of the country’s future has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public. Some individuals maintain that investing in the young generation is the optimal way for governments to ensure long-term development. Personally, I partly agree with
this
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 suggestion for some reasons that will be explained in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, people should recognise that the youth play a crucial role in developing a country’s economy. An important point to consider is that the authorities should allocate more funds to the education of young people to prepare them for the future by providing free tuition, which contributed to an increase in the number of students able to attend college, creating a more well-educated workforce and economic growth. Another key point is that youngsters are often more adaptable to modern technology, which helps them drive scientific innovation and economic growth.
On the other hand
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, it is equally vital to consider that the government should put money into other impressive areas.
First,
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an ageing population requires pensions and healthcare services.
This
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 means that ignoring the elder generation can lead to an inequally society and tension.
In addition
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, infrastructure development is equally critical.
This
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 is because of the fact that without reliable roads, transport systems, and energy supplies, even the young and talented cannot contribute effectively to the economy. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that investing in young individuals is important for fostering a country’s economy, it is
also
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 undeniable that devoting to other fields is essential.
Therefore
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, I believe that a balanced approach is necessary to address
this
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 problem effectively.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first line of the essay and keep your stance steady as you write.
task response
Add one strong example to back each main idea. Use a short fact or a simple case.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'so' to show how one idea follows the next.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Watch the long, run-on sentences and fix wrong word forms like 'inequally' and 'This means that'
lexical resource
Use easier words for ideas. Say 'spend more on schools' not 'allocate more funds' if it makes the sentence slow.
task response
The essay shows a clear view that you partly agree and you explain both sides.
coherence
There is a clear plan: intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show balance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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