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Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertisements are becoming more and more in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

#advertisements #life #development
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Nowadays,
advertisements
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 have grown a lot in
people
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's lives.
While
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 there are some drawbacks associated with
advertisements
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, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of
advertisements
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 may be manipulating
people
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. It aims to persuade
people
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 that buying a product will make them happier. From a statistical viewpoint,
advertisements
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 focus on selling a brand image and they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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use glamorous and successful
people
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.
Besides
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, we are persuaded to follow the latest trends and
also
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 we are encouraged to associate certain
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
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 with a higher status. Another thing I can highlight is,
advertisers
Correct word choice
that advertisers
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 often aim their marketing at children. Since children can easily be influenced by
advertisements
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, they put pressure on parents to buy them things.
On the other hand
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, a primary advantage of advertising is that advertisement is a key part of modern business.
In other words
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, companies need to tell customers about their products so
advertisements
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 inform us about the choices we have. Without
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advertisements
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advertisements,
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 we would have
less choice
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fewer choices
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. A
further
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 benefit is that it is a creative industry that employs many
people
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. Without
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advertisements
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advertisements,
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 there would be higher unemployment.
This
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 is
also
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 worth mentioning that advertising is a form of modern art and
people
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 enjoy it. On balance, it is true that
advertisements
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 would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
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, in my view, its positive effects in terms of companies need to tell customers about their products and a creative industry that employs many
people
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 override the disadvantages.
Submitted by jbl1541374 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and you have provided a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to ensure each paragraph fully develops a single idea or theme. This will help improve logical flow.
task achievement
While you have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of advertisements, providing more specific examples and details can enhance your task achievement score. For instance, use real-world examples or statistics to support your points.
task achievement
Make sure that each of your main ideas is supported thoroughly. This could involve elaborating more on how advertisements contribute to employment or how they function as modern art. Providing more specifics will make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and effectively outlines the essay's main points.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view of the topic, discussing both pros and cons of advertisements.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is strong and summarises the main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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