IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that
students
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 should study finance as a mandatory subject in
schools
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 that helps
students
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 manage their
money
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 in an effective way. It is agreed that financial
education
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 should be taught in
schools
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why saving, spending and investing
money
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 are important. To commence with, financial
education
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 is needed for
young
Add an article
the young
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 generation to learn how to save
money
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 and by
this
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 to increase the capital. It means that
,
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apply
show examples
students
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 could get the purpose of why they save
money
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 and the ways of raising it. Having
this
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 knowledge would increase
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
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to decrease
Change preposition
of decreasing
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 poverty as they would know how to refuse unwanted purchases and keep that
money
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 for increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital.
For instance
Linking Words
, in international
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schools
Add a comma
schools,
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 Reviera, financial
education
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 is a must subject to study.
Students
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 practice
a real cases
Correct the article-noun agreement
real cases
a real case
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 of saving
money
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 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 the
in
Change preposition
apply
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amount.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is a great way to learn how to spend
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 effectively and invest them properly. It means that
,
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apply
show examples
 individuals are taught for deep understanding of vital people's needs. From very young ages,
students
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 can calculate and distribute
money
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 for their needs.
Moreover
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, they could invest them in their bright future to buy a house or a car. As an example, in China,
students
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 study financial literacy in a secondary school and invest
money
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 in Apple's and Google's stocks. It proves their abilities to handle
money
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 cleverly.
To sum up
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, financial
education
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 should be taught in
schools
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 as it gives
opportunity
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the opportunity
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 to save
money
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, raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
capital, spend it and invest cleverly which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation to grow up as a conscious person.

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully develops it with sufficient evidence and examples. For instance, the second body paragraph introduces the idea of investing, but does not elaborate extensively on its methods and benefits.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sections by using a greater variety of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You may want to break long sentences into shorter ones. It makes the essay easier to follow and improves clarity.
task achievement
The essay offers a clear discussion on the importance of financial education by covering key points like saving, spending, and investing. This thoroughness in addressing the topic shows a well-rounded understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the essay and summarizing your stance in a concise manner.
coherence cohesion
The examples provided (like the practices in international schools and China) add concrete evidence and real-life applicability to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Mandatory
  • Budgeting
  • Economic stability
  • Fiscal health
  • Credit
  • Interest rates
  • Investments
  • Curriculum
  • Informed decisions
  • Personal debt
  • Savings
  • Taxes
  • Expenditures
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Money management
  • Financial planning
  • Economic education
  • Financial competence
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