Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that
students
should study finance as a mandatory subject in schools
that helps students
manage their money
in an effective way. It is agreed that financial education
should be taught in schools
. This
essay will discuss why saving, spending and investing money
are important.
To commence with, financial education
is needed for young
generation to learn how to save Add an article
the young
money
and by this
to increase the capital. It means that,
Remove the comma
apply
students
could get the purpose of why they save money
and the ways of raising it. Having this
knowledge would increase chances
Correct article usage
the chances
to decrease
poverty as they would know how to refuse unwanted purchases and keep that Change preposition
of decreasing
money
for increasing the
capital. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, in international schools
Reviera, financial Add a comma
schools,
education
is a must subject to study. Students
practice a real cases
of saving Correct the article-noun agreement
real cases
a real case
money
and increase
the Wrong verb form
increasing
in
amount.
Change preposition
apply
Additionally
, it is a great way to learn how to spend finance
effectively and invest them properly. It means thatFix the agreement mistake
finances
,
individuals are taught for deep understanding of vital people's needs. From very young ages, Remove the comma
apply
students
can calculate and distribute money
for their needs. Moreover
, they could invest them in their bright future to buy a house or a car. As an example, in China, students
study financial literacy in a secondary school and invest money
in Apple's and Google's stocks. It proves their abilities to handle money
cleverly.
To sum up
, financial education
should be taught in schools
as it gives opportunity
to save Correct article usage
the opportunity
money
, raise the
capital, spend it and invest cleverly which Correct article usage
apply
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
young
generation to grow up as a conscious person.Correct article usage
the young
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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully develops it with sufficient evidence and examples. For instance, the second body paragraph introduces the idea of investing, but does not elaborate extensively on its methods and benefits.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the flow between sections by using a greater variety of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the cohesion of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You may want to break long sentences into shorter ones. It makes the essay easier to follow and improves clarity.
task achievement
The essay offers a clear discussion on the importance of financial education by covering key points like saving, spending, and investing. This thoroughness in addressing the topic shows a well-rounded understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the essay and summarizing your stance in a concise manner.
coherence cohesion
The examples provided (like the practices in international schools and China) add concrete evidence and real-life applicability to your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?