IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys #play\
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
students
 have a lot of methods to prepare for the
exams
.
While
 doing
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 project on the most popular means of preparation for
exams
 among
students
 in Zetland, I have found some data with the results of the opinion polls presented in the table. The aim of my project is to analyse the information. Now I would like to report the main facts.
According to
 the diagram, the most popular means of preparation for
exams
 among
students
 are the use of tutors (48%) and online platforms (32%).
However
, the least popular way of preparing for
exams
 is other means (1%).
Moreover
, it is worth mentioning that the difference between
students
 preparing
exams
Change preposition
for exams
show examples
 with the help of test books and school clubs is 5 per cent. The percentages are not identical because using test books is a more practical and comfortable method for
students
 to get ready for
exams
.
However
, one problem that can arise among
students
 preparing for
exams
 is lack of sleep. A great amount of
students
 are really stressed, that they will fail the exam. To make sure that they won’t do that, they sacrifice their
bed time
Correct your spelling
bedtime
show examples
 to get a few more hours of studying in. The way of solving
this
 problem is to get more sleep because it is crucial for everyone’s health. With a proper amount of
sleep
Add a comma
sleep,
show examples
 you will study much more
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
show examples
. In conclusion, I want to say that preparing for
exams
 is a must for every student. If you will study for the exam,
try
Correct word choice
and try
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 absolute hardest,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 you will have a bright future ahead of yourself.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You should aim to provide more specific examples and data to support your points more comprehensively. For instance, mention the figures for test books and school clubs to strengthen your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Try to include more seamless transitions between paragraphs and ideas to enhance cohesion. This will help the essay flow more logically.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the aim of the essay, which is good for setting the context.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a well-structured conclusion summarizing the main points and providing a final viewpoint.
task achievement
Main points are generally clear and well understood, demonstrating good comprehension of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhanced creativity
  • motor skill development
  • educational benefits
  • social skills
  • overstimulation
  • cognitive abilities
  • fine motor skills
  • gross motor skills
  • sharing and cooperation
  • shorter attention spans
  • lack of value
  • gratitude and appreciation
  • environmental impact
  • non-recyclable materials
  • materialistic values
  • sense of entitlement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: