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Writing Samples
Band 6

Being a celebrity-such as famous film star or sports personality-brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or more problems?

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In our modern era, there are quite a number of famous
people
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 in different industries,
such
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 as movie stars or athletes. Some
people
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 believe that
fame
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 privileges have both negative and positive consequences. I personally believe that
fame
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 has more benefits than problems. On the one hand, it's undeniable that money is a great weapon in human life, and famous
people
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 have easier access to being wealthy than others.
This
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 is because the more a
person
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 gets popular, the bigger
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 contract they get.
Also
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, it makes it easier for a
person
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 to be notable to companies and huge brands, which
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further
Wrong verb form
furthers
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 their success and financial growth. To illustrate, Cristiano Ronaldo is a great example of how
fame
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 helps a
person
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 to go from poverty to wealth, even if he retired, Cristiano’s popularity makes him a powerful marketing figure, enabling him to partner with brands outside his football career.
Furthermore
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, with huge popularity comes great connections with powerful
people
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, which enhances a
person
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's social status.
This
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 means being famous often facilitates faster resolution of administrative or governmental procedures, giving celebrities an advantage in handling official matters efficiently.
Therefore
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, similar issues will be resolved by having good connections and a well-known reputation.
For example
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, the actor Johnny Depp, who is a huge celebrity, was able to have the best law team that protected him from conviction for a crime he didn't commit.
Thus
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, with his significant social ties and
fame
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, he had the protection of experienced lawyers. In summary, being a celebrity has both negative and positive sides.
However
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, I believe that the benefits overpower the issues that come with
widely
Correct article usage
a widely
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 recognised reputation. Because it allows you to make a decent amount of money and allows you to build social ties with influential
people
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more nuanced discussion about the problems associated with celebrity status to balance your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas, such as 'however', 'in contrast', and 'additionally'.
Task Achievement
You presented clear arguments supporting your viewpoint on the benefits of fame, which is appealing and relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with clear paragraphs that each contain a main idea supported by examples.
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