IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is
becming incresingly
Correct your spelling
becoming increasingly
 popular. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 life seems impossible without the use of
time
Use synonyms
 for
education
Use synonyms
 for the young
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 in
this
Linking Words
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 era.
However
Linking Words
, some
popele
Correct your spelling
people
 are of the view that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 all
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
 may cause a host of
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 problems
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both the advantages and
didadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of
education
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
ander
Correct your spelling
under
 18 years old.
Body paragraph 1
there are a number
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 reasons why it could be argued that
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 all the
time
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids has its many
advantgesand
Correct your spelling
advantages and
 dis
advantges
Correct your spelling
advantages
advantage
.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 18 need more learning.
For example
Linking Words
, in the ages the need to learn
evry thing
Correct your spelling
everything
 in the
futchr
Correct your spelling
further
education
Use synonyms
 for
coligs
Correct your spelling
college
colleges
 and work.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
,
Iwould
Correct your spelling
I would
also
Linking Words
 agree with those
people
Use synonyms
 who believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 at least 18 years old
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
soul
 have
fuii
Correct your spelling
full-time
time
Use synonyms
 learning has its
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 need
educatoin
Correct your spelling
education
also
Linking Words
 they need more to
playing
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 with
frends
Correct your spelling
friends
 to make
relishen
Correct your spelling
relishes
relished
 sheep and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
fro
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
nutcer
Correct your spelling
soccer
 and spend more
time
Use synonyms
whith
Correct your spelling
with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 family.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there are
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 my own view is
that is
Linking Words
 eductoin is
importint
Correct your spelling
important
 as
match
Verb problem
apply
show examples
as playing and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 off to
relaxing
Wrong verb form
relax
show examples
 they need it.
However
Linking Words
, I believe the parents,
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and the
localk
Correct your spelling
local
lock
owtharities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 should take
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 measures to
ansure
Correct your spelling
ensure
 that
people
Use synonyms
 make the right use of
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
 and the
time
Use synonyms
 for it for
people
Use synonyms
 18 years old so that it
dose
Correct your spelling
does
show examples
not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
show examples
 cause more
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
damage to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The introduction should clearly outline your stance on the topic. Try to state whether you agree or disagree with the statement explicitly in the introduction.
task response
Ensure you develop your points with relevant, specific examples. For instance, you could mention how education impacts career opportunities or how social skills developed through non-academic activities are important.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs better logical structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by details or examples, and smoothly transitions to the next point.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to link your ideas more effectively. This will help make your writing more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your main points and provides a final viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: