IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, private cars are now banned from certain city centres. What are the advantages of such a system and do you feel that this is something that most cities should adopt?

#countries #cars #city #centres #system #cities
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One of the widely discussed
issue
Change to a plural noun
issues
show examples
 nowadays is
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of a
system
Use synonyms
 in some countries where
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 private
cars
Use synonyms
 are now banned from certain
city
Use synonyms
 centres.I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 is something that every
city
Use synonyms
 should adopt, especially metropolis
cities
Use synonyms
. One of the main positives of
banned
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 private
cars
Use synonyms
 in some areas is that
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
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 environmental pollution,
such
Linking Words
 as bad air quality, which would affect not only the environment, but
also
Linking Words
 the
humans
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human
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 health.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another advantage of
banned
Wrong verb form
banning
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 private
cars
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 is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of noise. Especially in big
cities
Use synonyms
 for citizens,in my opinion, it would be
blessing
Correct article usage
a blessing
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 to not hear the noisy private
cars
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 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not breathe polluted air. If you ask me why other
cities
Use synonyms
 should adopt
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
,
i
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I
show examples
 would just tell you to
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 the people who already live in
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 where private
cars
Use synonyms
 are now banned. Because they are much happier now since
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
builded
Correct your spelling
built
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 up. They say that there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 many benefits for
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city
Add an article
the city
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,for citizens and for
environment
Add an article
the environment
an environment
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 of course,which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have already indicated above.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they noticed that they can, without a doubt, let their children go outside
along
Correct your spelling
alone
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 to play and
there
Correct your spelling
they
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 now
worries
Correct subject-verb agreement
worry
show examples
 about
cars
Use synonyms
 on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 road
now
Rephrase
apply
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. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to say that all
cities
Use synonyms
, especially overpopulated
cities
Use synonyms
 must accept
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
, because of
many
Correct pronoun usage
its many
show examples
 benefits for
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
,people and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Response
Your introduction is clear and presents the main point effectively. However, consider refining your thesis statement to directly answer both parts of the question: the advantages and whether most cities should adopt the system.
Task Response
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This will make your arguments more compelling and aligned with the essay question's demand for specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the ideas are logically ordered overall, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Consider using transition words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You clearly show the benefits of banning private cars from city centers, particularly focusing on environmental and social advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that reiterates the main ideas effectively.
Task Achievement
You address both parts of the question - the advantages and your opinion on whether cities should adopt this system.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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