IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impacts of an aging population.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, medical development improved life expectancy growth fast. As
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the exploded risen of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in every country, there are some impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 us. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss about impacts of
population
Use synonyms
 growth and its solution. As
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 developed,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 and medical
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
are
Verb problem
became
show examples
 more suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human existence.
However
Linking Words
, the sources and the space on the earth are limited to the overgrowth
population
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon will trigger conflicts easily in the sourceless countries,
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
domain
Correct article usage
the domain
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 tragedy is not what we expected but happening in the corner of the earth. The sources include food,
miner
Correct your spelling
minerals
show examples
, water and freedom.
However
Linking Words
, killing is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 option in
solution
Correct article usage
the solution
show examples
,
kid
Correct your spelling
;
 birth
controlled
Replace the word
control
show examples
 will easily lower the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of individuals growing. Since AI technology
being
Add a missing verb
is being
show examples
 created,
Correct article usage
a long-care
show examples
long-care
Correct article usage
a long-care
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 will be
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 to be taken by AI robots, in order to keep productivity in
lower
Add an article
a lower
the lower
show examples
 number of youth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, elders are still a part of development in future,
therefore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 can be balanced in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 AI technology era. In conclusion,
explosion
Add an article
the explosion
an explosion
show examples
 of
population
Use synonyms
 growth is a problem that we
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 escape but birth
controlling
Replace the word
control
show examples
 can be a solution to balance
this
Linking Words
 issue and let the
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
 divide equally
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay has a general structure but lacks a clear logical flow. Ensure each paragraph follows the previous one in a way that logically develops the argument.
task achievement
The introduction vaguely mentions the challenges but does not clearly state what specific issues will be discussed. Make the introduction more specific about what will be covered.
task achievement
The essay lacks clear, specific examples to illustrate the points made. Including more detailed and specific examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to unclear expression. Work on sentence structure and clarity to make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and restate the suggested solutions more clearly. This will provide a more comprehensive end to your essay.
task achievement
You have demonstrated an understanding of the prompt and have made an attempt to address both the problems and the solutions.
task achievement
You have a good range of ideas and have tried to cover various aspects, including technological solutions and resource management.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • developed world
  • problems
  • individuals
  • society
  • measures
  • aging population
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • cost
  • social security
  • pension system
  • shortage
  • healthcare professionals
  • elderly care facilities
  • pressure
  • social services
  • workforce productivity
  • retirement age
  • healthy lifestyle
  • preventive healthcare
  • intergenerational programs
  • community support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: