IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of money since computer technology can replace their functions. Do you agree or disagree?

#libraries #waste #money #computer #technology #functions
It is stated that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advancement in recent years, might
cause to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
alter some functionalities of traditional organizations like public libraries,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
leading to lower
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maintenance
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. I completely agree with
this
 claim, and possible areas for the replacement of
library
 functions will be discussed in
this
 essay. At
first,
newly introduced technology in database systems can provide a convenient
searching
Replace the word
search
show examples
 for any kind of
books
Fix the agreement mistake
book
show examples
. Previous local
library
 management used many strategies
such
 as numbering systems and tokens to identify the place of certain
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
, but it was a
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and tedious task.
However
, Current database technology has the major use of SQL programming, which can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 to sort out
books
 efficiently.
Therefore
, any consumer can search for any preferable
book
 or document, using relevant keywords in terms of the authors’ name, part of the
book
 name, or the content type.
Secondly
, the security of the
documents
 can increase using the computer platform. In
earlier
Add an article
an earlier
show examples
 age, people used the public
library
 system to preserve valuable
documents
, as those were
understanded
Correct your spelling
understood
show examples
 to be an important resource of knowledge.
However
, these resources need to protect from fire, humidity, insect attacks and abuse of
documents
, which
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 so many safety mitigations. Since the computers are using a cloud storage system, these resources
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not prone to any physical damage. Notably, the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
cloud
Correct article usage
a cloud
show examples
 database is less than security expenses for
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 amount of physical
books
 and
documents
. In conclusion, I totally agree with the statement, that converting functions of
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 public
library
 system
such
 as finding certain
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 and protecting
books
, into the computer platform is possible.
As a result
, the expenditure
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 maintenance of the
library
 would be reduced.
Submitted by kavinduanupama20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay covers the specified points, it would be beneficial to include more specific examples, such as statistics or case studies, to enhance the support for your claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay clearly separates individual points for clarity, perhaps dedicating a single paragraph to each point. This will improve the overall logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the position of the author and what will be discussed in the essay, setting a strong stage for the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively restates the main points and ties the essay together, providing a sense of closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of books
  • promoting literacy
  • community engagement
  • equal access to information
  • digital divide
  • accessibility issues
  • personalized assistance
  • educational programs
  • cultural events
  • safe spaces
  • community meetings
  • tactile experience
  • preserving historical documents
  • important cultural repositories
  • fostering a sense of community
  • communal hubs
  • serene and focused environment
  • conducive to study and reflection
  • irreplaceable value
  • distracted environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: