The diagram below shows the lifecycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relavent.

The diagram below shows the lifecycle of  a species of large fish called the salmon.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relavent.
The
above given
Add a hyphen
above-given
show examples
process diagram shows us the life cycle of a variety of
fish
called
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salmon
fish
.The growth of the
salmon
fish
is shown in 3 different steps.
The first
step
is the
salmon
egg and the
last
step
is the
adult
salmon
. In the first
step
Add a comma
step,
show examples
the
adult
salmon
lays its
eggs
in the beds of
slow moving
Add a hyphen
slow-moving
show examples
water which approximately takes about 5-6 months to hatch.the
eggs
layed
Correct your spelling
laid
by the
adult
salmon
in stored underneath the small stones below the reeds.The little
eggs
hatch and small fishes
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
out known as
fry
.The
fry
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
about 5-8 cm in length.
Then
the
fry
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
let into fast
flowing
Correct your spelling
fast-flowing
show examples
lower river. The
fry
is let to roam in the lower
fast flowing
Add a hyphen
fast-flowing
show examples
river for an approximate 4
years
.
Then
in the second
step
Add a comma
step,
show examples
they turn into smolt which is approximately 12-15 cm in length.The smolt travels into the open sea where it grows into an
adult
salmon
in a time span of 5
years
.In the
sea
Correct your spelling
seawater
show examples
water
Add a comma
water,
show examples
the
salmon
grows into a mature
salmon
.The
adult
salmon
can approximately grow
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
70 to 76cm.
Thus
,for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
egg to grow into
a
Change the article
an
show examples
adult
fish
it
approximatey
Correct your spelling
approximately
takes
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
9 to 10
years
.After growing into an
adult
the
adult
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
again
lays
Change the verb form
lay
show examples
eggs
which
undergoes
Correct subject-verb agreement
undergo
show examples
all the 9 to 10
years
of journey to turn into an
adult
salmon
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, salmon, step, adult, eggs, fry, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifecycle
  • Eggs
  • Alevin
  • Fry
  • Parr
  • Smolt
  • Adult salmon
  • Freshwater streams
  • Gravel nests
  • Redds
  • Yolk sac
  • Camouflage markings
  • Smoltification
  • Migration
  • Spawn
What to do next:
Look at other essays: