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Band 7.5

People should only concentrate on a single skill for life because it is the best way to succeed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #skill #life
For some people, it is commonly believed that developing multiple life skills is the best way to succeed.
However
, I disagree with
this
 viewpoint for several reasons.
To begin
 with, concentrating on a specialized skill and pursuing a related career,
such
 as becoming a doctor, lawyer, or teacher, can guarantee stability and status in society. It is widely known that professional jobs like these can lead to reputation and wealth in the future.
Thus
, it is often considered one of the best paths to success.
For example
, many parents in Korea's legal field aspire for their children to become lawyers or prosecutors.
This
 reflects a societal trend.
Secondly
, by focusing on a specific career path, individuals can avoid wasting time and energy on unrelated pursuits.
For instance
, to become a doctor in Korea, one must attend medical school for six years starting in their early twenties, followed by passing the medical licensing exam. By dedicating their early twenties to medical education, individuals can obtain a medical license and have ample opportunities to develop their specialized skills without having to engage in unrelated competitions or exams that their peers might face. By comparing these examples, it is evident that focusing on a specific field can lead to future success. In conclusion, becoming a specialist not only meets societal expectations but
also
 conserves time and energy in achieving future success.
While
 some argue that developing multiple life skills may be more beneficial, I believe that nurturing a specialized skill offers significant advantages.
Therefore
, I agree with the opinion that people should concentrate on a unique career path.
Submitted by JE on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully presents a clear opinion and supports it with relevant examples. However, it could benefit from acknowledging counterarguments to show a more balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs. However, transitions between ideas can be improved to enhance flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
When presenting examples, ensure they are fully integrated into your arguments, and avoid lengthy descriptions that might detract from your main point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
You provide strong examples, particularly referencing the educational system and societal expectations in Korea.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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