IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Over-reliance on modern technology means that people are failing to learn, or are forgetting many basic skills. To what extent is this true? Are people becoming so reliant on modern technology that they are no longer able to do some things without it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#over-reliance #technology #people #skills
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The first chart shows the factors that motivated each student
age
group
 to study art,
while
 the second one represents the percentage of those same
groups
 that were ‘very satisfied with their choice.
Overall
, most younger art
students
 chose
this
 course of study to
further
 their careers,
while
 the older
students
 mainly chose art to pursue their personal interests. Interestingly, the number of
students
 in the three youngest
groups
 who were very satisfied with the decision declined as the
age
 ranges increased. The highest figures for the category of career progression can be seen in the younger
age
groups
, starting at 80% for the under 26-year-olds.
However
, the values declined gradually for every
age
 level, with the lowest numbers recorded in the
over 49
Add a hyphen
over-49
show examples
age
group
 at roughly 20%. The percentage of
students
 who declared themselves ‘very satisfied’ was
also
 highest in the
under 26
Add a hyphen
under-26
show examples
age
group
 at around 60%.
This
 number declined steadily for the other two youngest
groups
. The least satisfied
group
overall
 was the
age
group
 between 30 and 39 with just over 30%.
In contrast
, satisfaction increased gradually for the 40 to 49 and over 49
groups
 at around 30 and 40%, respectively.
Submitted by lioness1970 on

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taskAchievement
The essay provides a complete response to the given task by summarizing the charts effectively. However, it could benefit from a more explicit final conclusion to improve its overall coherence.
coherenceCohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure and flows well between points, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined. Begin with a stronger introductory sentence and end with a concise conclusion that encapsulates the main points.
taskAchievement
Providing specific examples or data references throughout the essay could strengthen your arguments and make them even more compelling. For instance, mentioning specific data points for each age group's motivation and satisfaction levels could provide a greater level of detail.
taskAchievement
The essay effectively summarizes the information depicted in the charts, comparing the motivations and satisfaction levels across different age groups.
coherenceCohesion
Logical and clear structuring makes the essay easy to follow, with appropriate division into paragraphs based on distinct points.
taskAchievement
The essay maintains relevance by strictly adhering to the data presented in the charts, ensuring that the analysis is aligned with the provided information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • modern technology
  • basic skills
  • arithmetic skills
  • prevalence
  • smartphone apps
  • GPS
  • navigation systems
  • map reading
  • orientation
  • handwriting skills
  • word processors
  • spellcheckers
  • memory retention
  • information recall
  • search engines
  • DIY (Do It Yourself)
  • problem-solving
  • hire professionals
  • tackling issues
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