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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for all types of crime. Others feel that the circumstances of an offence should be taken into account when deciding on a punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are several people convinced that the
punishments
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 for each type of
crime
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 should be immutable,
while
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 many others believe that the situations and
motivation
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 should be included in factors of determining the way of punishing the
crime
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. In the meanwhile, whether the
punishments
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 for every
crime
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 can be changed
according to
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 the circumstance and
motivation
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 has sparked spirited debates. From my point of view, I concur with the latter view that
punishments
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 are not fixed. On the one hand, fixed
punishments
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 for different categories of
crime
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 may boost the efficiency of
judgment
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.
To begin
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 with, the clear and fixed
punishments
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 matching certain categories of
crime
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 may speed up and simplify the process of
judgment
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. To illustrate, the task that police need to do is just
to conclude
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 simply by investigating, categorizing the case, and punishing the criminal
according to
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 the fixed rules.
Moreover
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, it seems that
this
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 way of
judgment
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 is fairer because all criminals in the same category will get the same result no matter who he is. Only by considering more general facts,
such
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 as the
motivation
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 for committing crimes and the circumstance of the
crime
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 can judgments be more objective and accurate. Despite
this
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, simplification and efficiency are not the aim of
judgment
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, but justice. Taking the circumstance of the
crime
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 and the
motivation
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 of the criminal into account when making judgments has brought many benefits. In the first place, considering more general facts,
such
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 as the
motivation
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 for committing crimes and the circumstances of the
crime
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, can make the judgments more objective and accurate. In the second place, analyzing more factors and information can reduce the number of persons who are judged as criminals wrongly. In conclusion, considering the situations and motivations of the
crime
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 is more beneficial for realizing fairness and justice for the law enforcement agency and contemporary society.

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, and you have successfully outlined both perspectives. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Also, try to avoid repetition by varying your sentence structures and vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next, and avoid redundancy. For instance, both paragraphs mention considering general facts, which can be streamlined to maintain focus and clarity.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and presents your viewpoint clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before presenting your own opinion.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your essay and reiterates your stance on the issue.
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