It is common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

These days, it is a common aim of many people leaving university to try to start up their own association. They believe that running a effort has many advantages over working for someone else,
such
as the freedom to make your own accord. I agree with
this
point of view, but it is important to bear in mind that running a field does not suit everybody. There are several benefits of setting up your own field. For me, the main one is that you have room to be creative.
Instead
of having to follow your employer's settlement, you can set the goals for the trade yourself, which means that you feel more in control.
This
generally results in people feeling happier in their jobs. Not only that, you can
also
keep the profits if the community is successful. If all goes well, you will earn far more than if you struggle for someone else.
For instance
, if you set up your own graphic design association, and you build a good reputation, you will be able to make substantial profits. You will
therefore
be more motivated to production hard, in order to make a success of your club. Having said that, it is undeniable that running a trade is risky. If there is an economic downturn, or you make mistakes in your job determination, your party can go bust, which can mean that you lose everything and you have to lay off your staff.
Moreover
, it is very hard to switch off at weekends, because employment is always in the back of your mind.
To sum up
,
although
there is no doubt there are some risks associated with running your own trade, I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, particularly with regard to making selection.
However
, it should be said that not everyone is a risk-taker, and some prefer to industry for someone else.
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task achievement
Various spelling and vocabulary inaccuracies (e.g., 'association' instead of 'business', 'effort' instead of 'enterprise', 'accord' instead of 'decisions') make the essay slightly difficult to follow. Proofreading for clarity and word choice would improve the essay greatly.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured, the paragraphs could be better linked with cohesive devices for smoother transitions.
task achievement
The example provided (about a graphic design business) is relevant, but more detailed and varied examples would enhance the reader's understanding.
logical structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
The writer has identified both advantages and disadvantages of running one's own business, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aspiration
  • entrepreneur
  • flexibility
  • decision-making
  • financial rewards
  • personal fulfillment
  • challenges
  • financial risk
  • invested capital
  • cash flow
  • guaranteed income
  • work-life balance
  • responsibility
  • pressure
  • burnout
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