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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe the purpose of education is to prepare people to be useful members for society. Others say that the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 day and age,
education
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 is an essential field for every country in the world, which is an evaluation scale for the development of regions. Some individuals assume that people should be studied to become helpful citizens
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
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.
While
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 others suppose
education
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 helps people reach personal achievement. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the above opinions. First and foremost, It is undeniable that all developed countries have excellent
education
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 because they know that useful citizens are educated perfectly, who will promote their country. Good residences will bring lots of benefits to
society
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, they
also
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 have positive points and play as mirrors for the next generation.
In contrast
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, bad ones become serious problems for regions, which have a negative effect on
society
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.
For instance
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, a country has lots of talented businesses,
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 create jobs for others and gain tax for the government.
Besides
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, some views believe the aim of
education
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 is personal ambitions. Individuals desire to have a good living standard for their family and
education
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 is a basic foundation to achieve it so parents and teachers always advise young people to study hard.
However
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, not all students achieve academic success because it depends on their efforts.
For example
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, In the same class, hard-working students usually have good results and they
also
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 earn more money than lazy ones. In conclusion,
education
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 is an indispensable part of both
society
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 and personal. The government should set policies to encourage citizens to have passion in the academic field. It will be an important key to bring wonderful things for them in the future.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure, and you have included an introduction and a conclusion effectively. However, ensure to further elaborate on your main points to increase clarity and coherence. Try to provide a more balanced discussion by expanding on the opposing viewpoint with equal detail.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response addressing both perspectives on the purpose of education. To enhance the depth of your argument, provide more specific examples and details that directly relate to the discussion prompted by the essay topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a well-thought-out introduction and conclusion, successfully framing your discussion and providing closure to your argument.
coherence
You have made a commendable attempt to present both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach in discussing the purpose of education.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • collective progression
  • civic sense
  • self-improvement
  • fulfillment
  • democratic processes
  • career goals
  • ethics
  • personal development
  • societal contribution
  • educational systems
  • interdependence
  • economy
  • culture
  • individual success
  • well-being
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