Some people think that young children should learn how to play a musical instrument at school. Others believe that other subjects, such as mathematics and science, should be prioritised because they will be more useful for children when they grow older. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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While

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some people believe that playing a musical

instrument

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should be incorporated into the school curriculum, others argue that

subjects

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such

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as mathematics and

science

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are more important.

This

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essay will examine both perspectives before explaining why I strongly believe that children should be encouraged to learn a musical

instrument

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as part of their formal education. On the one hand, it is undeniable that mathematics and

science

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are essential

subjects

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that play a critical role in students' academic and professional futures. These disciplines form the foundation for many university programs and national examinations, regardless of the

students’

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student’s

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chosen majors.

Furthermore

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, fields

such

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as medicine, engineering, and pharmaceuticals heavily rely on a strong background in maths and

science

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Therefore

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, prioritising these

subjects

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can better prepare students for future academic and career success, especially in scientific or technical fields.

On the other hand

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, incorporating

music

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education into school curricula offers a range of cognitive, emotional, and developmental benefits. Learning to play a musical

instrument

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enhances hand-eye coordination, stimulates creativity, and provides a healthy outlet for stress.

For instance

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, when students engage with

music

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, they temporarily shift their focus from demanding academic tasks, which helps them relax and recharge.

Moreover

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, achievements in

music

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such

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as awards or public performances, can strengthen a student’s profile during applications to higher education institutions. Many universities now value well-rounded individuals who demonstrate both academic excellence and extracurricular involvement. In conclusion,

although

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subjects

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like mathematics and

science

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are undoubtedly crucial for academic development and future career prospects, I firmly believe that

music

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should

also

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be an integral part of the school curriculum. Playing a musical

instrument

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not only nurtures essential life skills but

also

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contributes to a balanced and enriching educational experience.

pw.mmuiiTue Apr 08 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Your introduction clearly outlines the essay's purpose and structures your arguments well. To improve, ensure that each point is elaborated with a little more depth.

coherence and cohesion

The transition between paragraphs is smooth, and you maintain a logical flow throughout the essay. Consider using more varied linking words to enhance the readability further.

task achievement

In your conclusion, you effectively summarize your position, but adding a brief mention of the importance of balancing various subject areas could strengthen your argument further.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, clearly outlining the benefits of both music education and academic subjects.

task achievement

You provide clear examples to support your points, which adds depth to your arguments and engages the reader.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
emotional expression
creativity
foundation skills
analytical thinking
problem-solving abilities
well-rounded education
cultural awareness
social skills
teamwork
motivation
engagement

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