Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some believe that
money
for education should mainly be spent on better
computers
while
others believe it would be better spent on teachers. It is argued by some that educational finance should predominantly be spent on
computers
while
an alternative point of view is that more
money
should be provided for teaching staff.
This
essay agrees with the latter sentiment and lays out the reasoning below. There can be no doubt that teachers are the major influence on learners through their ability to impart knowledge and information to their students.
Scholars
and instructors are human beings and good relationships in any educational setting are always going to be of benefit to
scholars
. educators can not only educate but can
also
motivate and inspire students to improve test marks, evidenced by the increasing number of 5*
scholars
leaving English schools and going on to top universities.
However
, a minority of people believe that
money
spent on
computers
would be more beneficial to pupils as computer courses give learners access to a massive amount of information on the internet which can be of huge benefit to any student.
Nonetheless
,
this
data has to be interpreted correctly. Students do not always have the skill set to know the best way to use and analyse
this
material and without educators to guide them, their time spent sourcing all of the data could be wasted. It is the opinion of
this
writer that,
in addition
, some learners require a firm approach
while
others need to be gently encouraged to get the best out of them and only a professional teacher can determine who requires which treatment.
For instance
, a study in the UK showed that when failing schools recruited dedicated educators working more closely with the
scholars
and getting to know them on an individual basis, the number of pupils failing exams dropped by some 70%, a significant turnaround.
Therefore
, quality teachers are of far greater benefit to a school than any amount of
computers
.
Accordingly
,
this
essay has demonstrated that
money
would be better spent on instructors.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that essay maintains a balance in presenting both sides of the argument more explicitly. Although you have provided good points for both views, the argument for spending on computers could be expanded slightly to better balance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying the language used to introduce points, such as using different phrases for 'This essay agrees...'. This can make the essay more engaging and less repetitive.
coherence cohesion
Try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using linking words and phrases like ‘Furthermore,’ ‘In addition,’ or ‘On the other hand,’ can help with this.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion that presents your opinion. This makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, such as the example about the UK study. This strengthens your essay and adds credibility to your points.
task achievement
The points are clearly and comprehensively explained. Each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, making the essay clear and well-organized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: