Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantanges outweigh the disadvamtages?
TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND GET NEWS EVENTS, IT IS COMMON NOWADAYS TO BE UPDATED WITH THE USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA TO LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WORLDWIDE. IN
THIS
WAY, WE CAN EASILY BE CONNECTED WITH OUR LOVED ONES BUT IT ALSO
LIMIT US FROM INTERACTION
WITH OTHERS. I BELIEVE THAT THE DISADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE ADVANTAGES.
IT IS OBVIOUS, THAT USING SOCIAL MEDIA THEY CAN EASILY UPDATE THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY BY POSTING THEIR STATUS AND PICTURES ONLINE, ESPECIALLY TO THOSE THAT ARE LIVING ABROAD. PERSONALLY, MY CHILDREN Replace the word
INTERACTING
ARE DOING
Wrong verb form
DO
THIS
EVERY TIME WE ARE GOING
TO NEW PLACES SINCE WE DON'T TRAVEL VERY OFTEN Wrong verb form
GO
GOING
TO OUR HOME COUNTRY. SO BY SENDING THEIR SNAPSHOTS TO THEIR GRANDPARENTS, AND CALLING THEM THROUGH THE MESSENGER APPLICATION, THEY CAN EASILY GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM. APART FROM THAT ONLINE NEWS IS UPDATED REGULARLY, WHICH'S WHY BY ACCESSING DIFFERENT NEWS WEBSITES, THEY CAN EASILY GET INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING GLOBALLY.
Verb problem
apply
HOWEVER
, SINCE MOST PEOPLE RELY ON THE INTERNET NOW, THEY SOMETIMES FORGET TO INTERACT AND ISOLATE THEMSELVES AT HOME. AND THIS
MAY AFFECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND INTERPERSONAL SKILLS. ASIDE FROM THAT, THERE'S A TENDENCY THAT MAY IMPACT NEGATIVELY ON THEIR HEALTH. SINCE TOO MUCH USE OF ONLINE PLATFORMS ESPECIALLY WITH CHILDREN, CAN GIVE THEM HEALTH ISSUES PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND PHYSICALLY. LIKE CHANGE OF BEHAVIOR AND EYE PROBLEM. BUT WITH THE PROPER GUIDANCE THIS
CAN BE MINIMISED.
IN CONCLUSION, USING THE INTERNET WILL PROVIDE BETTER CONNECTION WITH OUR LOVED ONES BUT IT WILL ALSO
CAUSE ONE PERSONALITY TO ISOLATE THEMSELVES FROM OTHERS.Submitted by lauravictor.nz on
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. However, avoid using all caps as this can be difficult to read.
task achievement
While your points are clear and mostly well-supported, some ideas could benefit from further development or examples. For instance, expanding on how social media can impact health could provide more depth.
task achievement
Make sure to pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to avoid small errors. For instance, 'limit us from interaction' should be 'limit our interaction.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical and clear structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
You provide relevant and personal examples to illustrate your points, which helps make your argument more compelling.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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