IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantanges outweigh the disadvamtages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events #advantanges #disadvamtages
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TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND GET NEWS EVENTS, IT IS COMMON NOWADAYS TO BE UPDATED WITH THE USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA TO LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WORLDWIDE. IN
THIS
 WAY, WE CAN EASILY BE CONNECTED WITH OUR LOVED ONES BUT IT
ALSO
 LIMIT US FROM
INTERACTION
Replace the word
INTERACTING
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 WITH OTHERS. I BELIEVE THAT THE DISADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE ADVANTAGES. IT IS OBVIOUS, THAT USING SOCIAL MEDIA THEY CAN EASILY UPDATE THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY BY POSTING THEIR STATUS AND PICTURES ONLINE, ESPECIALLY TO THOSE THAT ARE LIVING ABROAD. PERSONALLY, MY CHILDREN
ARE DOING
Wrong verb form
DO
show examples
THIS
 EVERY TIME WE
ARE GOING
Wrong verb form
GO
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 TO NEW PLACES SINCE WE DON'T TRAVEL VERY OFTEN
GOING
Verb problem
apply
show examples
TO OUR HOME COUNTRY. SO BY SENDING THEIR SNAPSHOTS TO THEIR GRANDPARENTS, AND CALLING THEM THROUGH THE MESSENGER APPLICATION, THEY CAN EASILY GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM. APART FROM THAT ONLINE NEWS IS UPDATED REGULARLY, WHICH'S WHY BY ACCESSING DIFFERENT NEWS WEBSITES, THEY CAN EASILY GET INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING GLOBALLY.
HOWEVER
, SINCE MOST PEOPLE RELY ON THE INTERNET NOW, THEY SOMETIMES FORGET TO INTERACT AND ISOLATE THEMSELVES AT HOME. AND
THIS
 MAY AFFECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND INTERPERSONAL SKILLS. ASIDE FROM THAT, THERE'S A TENDENCY THAT MAY IMPACT NEGATIVELY ON THEIR HEALTH. SINCE TOO MUCH USE OF ONLINE PLATFORMS ESPECIALLY WITH CHILDREN, CAN GIVE THEM HEALTH ISSUES PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND PHYSICALLY. LIKE CHANGE OF BEHAVIOR AND EYE PROBLEM. BUT WITH THE PROPER GUIDANCE
THIS
 CAN BE MINIMISED. IN CONCLUSION, USING THE INTERNET WILL PROVIDE BETTER CONNECTION WITH OUR LOVED ONES BUT IT WILL
ALSO
 CAUSE ONE PERSONALITY TO ISOLATE THEMSELVES FROM OTHERS.
Submitted by lauravictor.nz on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well. However, avoid using all caps as this can be difficult to read.
task achievement
While your points are clear and mostly well-supported, some ideas could benefit from further development or examples. For instance, expanding on how social media can impact health could provide more depth.
task achievement
Make sure to pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to avoid small errors. For instance, 'limit us from interaction' should be 'limit our interaction.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical and clear structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
You provide relevant and personal examples to illustrate your points, which helps make your argument more compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • to connect with friends and family
  • to preserve bonds
  • real-time updates
  • a wide range of perspectives
  • global happenings
  • business opportunities
  • networking opportunities
  • mental health issues
  • unrealistic portrayals of life
  • privacy breaches
  • identity theft
  • addiction
  • time management
  • productivity
What to do next:
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